one shots

tell me i'm worth it; steve rodgers

•
"What're you thinking about?"
"Oh you know, the inevitability of death. Why do you ask?"
•

It was another long night and your intrusive thoughts were only worsening.

Steve had disappeared again, his only excuse being "unfinished business". The loneliness sank into your bones, joining the guilt that had been there for years. You had never stopped feeling guilty for surviving. For all the people, the innocents, the children, your friends, the people you were meant to protect, that died. You couldn't get rid of that guilt. But after Nat, your support and best friend, died, the feelings only got worse.

Natasha has been there to help; she had understood. And then Tonywas gone. He died for his cause, something he swore never to do, and you couldn't help but feel that it should have been you.

Tony had a family. He had Pepper and his daughter to go home to. He had Peter and Harley who looked up to him, along with everyone else he inspired. He was supposed to see Morgan grow up, supposed to be there for Pepper; they were supposed to grow old together.

Nat was supposed to stay with you, stay with her family. She was supposed to grow old and learn to accept herself. She was learning to be happy.

The guilt crashed through you. No one could replace either of them, in your heart or in the world. You wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself and burrowed deeper into the couch. The news was on in the backround declaring something about rebuilding efforts and how to find missing family members who should have returned.

You sighed, tears beginning to build up in your eyes. Steve was usually here and just his presence could raise your spirits, but he was nowhere to be seen.

It was Saturday night and it was your favorite night, or at least it used to be. It used to be movie night, meaning any Avengers in the building would crash in the living room with mountains of snacks and arms full of blankets. Tony would drag Bruce down from the lab and Steve would stop training. Nat would bring Clint down from the air vents and Thor would come down from Asgard (occationally even bringing Loki). Whoever else was there was invited to join in and someone would choose a movie. It was bliss but tonight, was not.

No one was there. The only sound in the building was your soft hiccuping cries and the ads faintly echoing on tv. You sighed again and climbed off the couch, padding into the kitchen. The floor was ice under your bare feet and opening the fridge only succeeded in making you colder. You shivered, wishing for a blanket. One moment later, you jumped.

Warm arms wrapped around your waist, lifted you up, and carried you back to the couch. You struggled, attempting to squirm out of Steve's arms. "Put me down!" You whined. Steve chuckled but just held you closer as he sat down. He turned you around in his lap so you faced him and examined your face. He frowned lightly and placed his hand under your chin. He gently turned your face from side to side, fingers pressing into your cheeks. You pushed his hand off and crossed your arms, only resulting in him pulling you closer.

"Have you been crying, peaches?" You looked down and shook your head. "What was that?" You mumbled no in response as quietly as you could. Steve chuckled. "I know better than to believe that. Thinking about N and T again?"

You sighed and curled into Steve's arms. "I couldn't help it."

Steve gently kissed your forehead and switched the news channel to some old Western show. "In the mood for cowboys, peaches?"

You smiled as you turned your head to watch. "Always Cap'n."

(We're gonna ignore how this isn't exactly accurate....)