A Man's Pride

A Revelation

A few days later...

The atmosphere at camp was changing. There was an unspoken tension articulated through silent glares and segregated conversations. The divide Micah caused was sturdy as a brick wall, and Ana was sitting on top, reluctant to plant her feet on either side. Arthur and John questioned Dutch at every opportunity. With Hosea's health at a low point, there was no one to ease the escalating bickering. Ana found it all irritating. Why couldn't Dutch see Micah for what he is? And why couldn't John know when to lay off Dutch? The men butting heads emphasized their immaturity. It made it almost impossible to maintain stability in her relationships with them. That was clear when they nearly started fighting over her the other night. She replayed the incident in her head while sitting by a crackling fire during a cool evening.

...

Ana sat close to Dutch on his thin mattress. Her left leg resting on his lap while his thumb dug into her calf, massaging a muscle that was sore from hunting.

"You ever think about marriage?" she asked, curiously tilting her head.

Dutch sighed through his nostrils. "With Annabelle I sure did. We was planning to marry for some months before she died. I ain't given it much thought since then, why you asking?" He looked down at her patiently. She'd grown to love how he never demanded an answer from her unless it was urgent.

"Sometimes I wonder how dull my life would be if I married that boy back in Valentine. I'd make one terrible wife, don't you think?" She laughed softly at the imaginary life playing in her head. Cooking, cleaning, serving an unworthy man and eventually watching over the brats she'd birthed. It amused her to realize some women long for such a life. It pained her to know others were trapped in that life while longing for freedom.

Dutch smirked at the thought of her wild side being tamed by domestic bliss. "I doubt that. Marriage can be liberating, I think."

Ana straightens her posture, intrigued by his comment. "Liberating? How so?"

"There's nothing purer in this world than love. It's one of the few things men haven't devoured yet. When a man opens his heart to it because that's what he wants, it frees him. A marriage without love, now that's a prison."

She nodded gently, wanting to understand the way his mind works. His wisdom made her feel incompetent at times.

"Maybe you're right. Hell, I don't know much about love..." her voice faded as she slid her leg from his grasp. Her feet dangled in the air, merely an inch from the ground.

Dutch shifted his body so he was facing her straight on. His foot was tucked under his knee and his sizable hands were planted on his thighs. He looked like a different person to Ana. His brown eyes had softened, leaving him naked with vulnerability.

"You didn't say how you felt when I told you I love you."

His words pinched her heart. A knot of guilt was growing in her chest. She'd been denying it for so long. The consequences of that restraint were unbearable heavy.

"I... I thought, I don't know what I thought, Dutch. I cannot deny that I care for you, but we said this wasn't about love. And what about John?"

Dutch sighed heavily, his shoulders slouching slightly. He was growing weary from the gang's situation. Competing with John felt like another never-ending battle, one he was tired of fighting. Sometimes he wondered if his efforts were being wasted on a woman who didn't know how to love.

"Forget about him, he's got a family. I once warned you that a time would come when I don't want no one but you. I'm here and I'm telling you there's no one else." He reached for her face, his fingertips grazing her rosy cheek. She felt an impulse to give in, to say yes, to complete the puzzle of their love story, but a certain man with a distinct scar and a boyish smile held her back.