Blooming Days ¦ c.b

(1)

❗❗❗Trigger Warning: Rape, Depression, Suicidal Tendencies, please read at your own risk. PLEASE!

•••

he made a garden in me,
though I never wanted to bloom that way.

He had not managed to remove all the dirt and blood in his body when he noticed a small vine-too green, and alive that it sticks out from his bruised and pale body. Instead of feeling the jitters, the old lady from the orphanage told him he'd feel once he saw that small sprout of the vine, all he ever felt was rage and despair. He set to pulling it out, but the sudden pain of his heart clenching as he pulled the vine off his waist left him panting and curled on the cold floor of his bathroom.

Baekhyun couldn't even remember how he got on the playground near his house. A beige coat wrapped around his bare body, protecting him from the cold of the spring night. He walked himself back to his house and almost collapsed on his doorstep.

He could hardly remember the faces of the guys who did it to him.

It's as if the discoloration of his skin isn't enough to remind him of what they had done, a disgusting memento was left attached to his body. A long green vine carefully wrapped itself around his leg, as if mocking him that his soulmate touched him forcefully, unlovingly. The person who should have been there to protect him, the person who should love him for the rest of his life, abused him, violated him, played him as if he's a toy they hit and toss around. The memory itself made his body shiver from fear. The blows his body forcefully receive felt raw and sore.

After taking a long torturous bath and scrubbing every nook and crook of his body-he wrapped himself with a big blanket and rocked himself to sleep... But despite his exhaustion and distress, mentally and physically, sleep never kicks in.

He didn't even budge when the morning sun started to peak at the horizon and his alarm clock started shouting at him. It was as if he was dead to the world and himself. A hollow shell, where sunlight couldn't seep in. He was cold and batshit mad and lonely and all he wanted right now was to die.

Tears are nowhere too. Crying wasn't there.

Pain though was everywhere, he doesn't know what's painful anymore. It was his body and his mind and his soul.

When his alarm clock got tired and it shut the hell up, his eyes drifted towards the calendar next to it. It was written there that he has exams later in the afternoon and he was set to expect a high score to pass his units. He didn't get worried.

His day passed by without a single bite or a sip of water. He would remember closing his eyes in the dark and then opening them in sunlight. He relieved himself on the bed, his piss seeping down his white mattress, but guess he doesn't have to worry about it now too. He will rot with it anyway, together with the long vine sprouting from his skin.

The line between consciousness and dream, between reality and hallucination, has been long gone. His memories fragmented with the sounds of his breathing slowly shallowing like the slow ticking of the clock beside his bed. A wreck is a total understatement. He's alive and dead and dying. He's falling and crashing and no one will know if he dies tonight.

Well, they might discover his body later on, but at least he won't be there to appease their disgust.

Back in the university, where no one knows he existed, at least they wouldn't care where he'd gone to. Now he doesn't have to deal with exams and humans, and bullshits and happiness. He would die.

That is what he thought.

Baekhyun once again opened his eyes to the sunlight seeping into his room. He couldn't feel his legs anymore or anything except for the cold seeped deep within his bones. He slightly peeked at his thighs to check if the vine is also dying but as if making fun of him, it was alive, growing, and green. Like a fucking parasite, feeding off of the last nutrients from his body.

He hated it. More than being alive, he hated how inevitable the growing of the vines is. How he could not avoid the blooming of those flowers. Baekhyun doesn't want to bloom this way. He doesn't want to know who the hell his soulmate is anymore. He doesn't want to hurt anymore too. So with the amount of strength remaining from his dirty and frail body, Baekhyun took the scissors on the lower drawer from his bedside table.

He will end this once and for all.

But beware, cutting the flowers will stop your heart.

So what if he dies? He has nothing to lose anymore, and he has no one who will lose him too. Ever since middle school, Baekhyun learned how to take care of himself without seeking help from adults around him. He understood that no matter what he does, he should never require aid from other people as he might become a burden, nonetheless, he learned all the adult things all by himself. After getting out of the orphanage he lived in, he started middle school with different foster families. Some are nice but never tries to adopt him. Some are mad, drunkards who beat him on the sight. Well, he outgrew them anyway.

Now he lives by himself, lives off from the money his parents left him before they died suffering at the hands of their own abusers. He never saw their remains and he never really remembers them, they died when he was a baby. This is why he never really had any longing feelings for his parents. Why would you long for something you never had. That is what he always thought.

But now, Baekhyun's thoughts are going wild. If he ever, just if, he has a family today, how would he have felt. What would they have said? Will his suffering at least lessen?

Maybe this is what you think of when you're about to die. Things you could but will never have. Things you wish for in the back of your mind. It resurfaces to haunt you, with regrets and anger, and loneliness. As he closed his eyes, the very dark scene of a group of guys became vivid to him.

They were laughing and whistling. Sounding like animals in their wake. He can also smell the sweat reeking from their body, together with the alcohol that they spilled all over Baekhyun's body. They nipped him, bit him, ravished him like dirty hounds hungry for flesh. There was a sound of water and people outside of the party. He didn't even attend a party, or at least he knew he was inside his house that night, sleeping before he opened his eyes to those guys already messing his once untouched body.

Baekhyun's chest started to tighten and his hands started shaking. His stomach is in knots and breathing just seems to be the hardest to do at that moment. He couldn't take it anymore, he just wanted all the suffering to stop. So he aimed the scissors right on the green vine and was about to snip the thing off when the sound of rattling keys and the sudden opening of his door stunned him that the scissors from his hand fell off too far for him to reach.

Then he heard footsteps, and the next thing he knew, Kim Jongin is carrying him out of his rotting room, towards the world for him to be seen.

[tbc.]

°°°

sehubo