Chapter five THE VILLAGE IN TURMOIL
The people of Let Ripp were all very surprised at the news that it was young Gladioli to be wed and not Mrs Facker! They were shocked that she was entertaining such a thought of marrying a gawky simpleton like Horatio. There had to be a real good reason for this surely?! It should be Mrs Facker organising her own wedding especially with her being in her condition at her age! What a brazen woman to roam a quiet and respectable village! No woman was safe with her wandering around loose, and what's more.....who the devil is the father of this poor child?! The not knowing was causing quite a stir. Women in the village were becoming very suspicious of their own partners! No woman would feel secure again until they knew who the father was.
The suspicious minds grew worse. In the evenings the men folk were either followed or joined at the hip by their wives whether it be a stroll to the local pub or further afield. The men began to feel suffocated at all this sudden attention. The wives were beginning to neglect their own evenings of entertainment at the village hall from bingo and drama plays, quilt making classes, flower festivals even going shopping they point blank refused to go unless they were joined by their husbands. They had even become more co-operative and adventurous within the marital bedroom.. much to some of their husbands amusement while others found it all rather exhausting.
Poor Ernie a skinny, bald, quiet man, who lived in the small cottage at the bottom of the village, was trying desperately to escape from his large wife Matilda. One night He even tried to hide amongst his prized tomatoes in his greenhouse at the bottom of the garden. He held his breath as he heard her calling him. She saw his bright blue socks peering from underneath the leaves of his tomatoes.
"There you are!" Matilda opened the door and gently closed it behind her to Ernie's dismay she was in a black negligee, red lipstick on her large lips she had cornered him.
"Got you ...you are such a little tease Ernie darling...Well what do think honey bee its like a second honeymoon isn't it?...I am all woman ...and I'm all yours dearest.....take me here, take me now!" She pleaded gasping with her ample bosom pressed up to his face. She threw him onto his huge marrows causing him to squeal. He tried to scramble away from her but it was too late, she was a large woman he couldn't move he was well and truly pinned down, he could hear his poor marrows making rude noises underneath him squelching away as if they too were suffocating underneath this ample lady.
The next door neighbour's dog howled in sympathy for frail Ernie as he saw and heard the commotion he put his paws over his ears as he felt sympathy for Ernie. Later that night Matilda appeared from the greenhouse with a huge smile on her face and ruffled hair.
"I knew I hadn't lost my touch dearest ...now I will go and make us a nice hot milky cocoa.... Don't you be too long dear ...unless you would prefer us to continue in here later?"
"No, no, no, no... for heavens sake no.. I will be along shortly dear you go on ahead.. a nice milky drink will be lovely." Ernie managed to take a deep breath before struggling to get back onto his feet. He looked up to the sky in desperation and whispered,
"Oh dear oh dear, if I've done something to upset you ... don't punish me anymore here... ...just take me now... please!" He begged.
The gossip surrounding the Facker's was certainly causing this small village some distress. Even Petunia was beginning to have the odd thought slip into her mind then she would quickly dismiss it. She looked at her husband and shook her head. They had been very happily married for over forty odd years...haven't they? She found herself staring across at him again as he was sat on his bench sipping his tea in one hand, pipe in the other.
No....no definitely not, no he wouldn't after all he is a judge a well respected member of the community at that. He wouldn't risk our blissful marriage for her, after all what has she got? Her dress sense was awful, forcing herself to look younger than she actually was. Mind you, she is a marvellous cook she keeps her home spotless and has brought her girls up really well very polite and respectable...well...as far as I know. Mother Facker was certainly no ones fool. She could look after herself. Petunia did feel for her when her husband died so young, they were a very happy couple indeed. She sighed heavily and again looked at her own husband. He had got up to do some re-potting under the peach rose and honeysuckle archway. No... not my husband no he knows where his breads buttered. She walked towards him.
