HER & HIM

HER

This is just a cliché love story. Just as I wanted to confess my feelings to my best friend, he had grown up to be the most popular boy of our high school.

I've known him since we were 3 years old, we were neighbors and were always together. I was a bullied girl and he was my hero. I realize I loved him on 7th grade, but everything changed when we started 10th grade. His popularity grew and stopped talking and hanging out with me. I felt lonely and abandoned but continued caring for him. Some days I wrote him little phrases or quotes and pasted them anonymously inside his locker. He seemed to like them, so I wrote them everyday also complimenting him. I still loved him so even thought he would reject me, I decided to confess someday.

One day, on our last year of high school, he had a pretty bad day. It rained, so he came with his head and shoulders wet. Some of his haters introduced drugs on his bag and a teacher found it, so the school decided to expel him. He received the results of a test which he had zero points because he forgot to write his name.

I left him a towel at his locker and money so he could buy a hot coffee or tea to warm up. I went to the principal's office to cancel his expulsion and reduce it to a one-week suspension, convincing authorities other people introduced the drugs in his bag. I asked a teacher to give him the points just this time, that it was a one-time error anyone could have made. At last, I wrote a super sweet special note to cheer him up and that everything will be okay, but when I went to watch his reaction my heart stopped.

"What the hell are you talking about, you don't even know what I'm going through. Why don't you reveal yourself if you think you know so much about me you shit! Why don't you help me then!"

He shouted and every student in the hall looked weirdly at him. I felt a salty liquid at my lips and realized I was crying. I decided to confess my feelings and that I was the one who wrote those notes today and if he doesn't like it, I will stop. I wrote one last note asking him to meet me at the rooftop after school and pasted it inside his locker.

After school, I went to the rooftop and waited. 10 minutes later he came and looked at me confused.

"What do you want? I'm really stressed and irritated right now."

"I'm sorry... but I wanted to tell you something"

"Make it quick"

"I know we haven't talked for some years... but I had always admired you and realized I love you some years ago"

"You called me here just to tell me that?"

My heart stopped and I couldn't help but stutter.

"Y-yeah"

"The last thing I want is another burden to carry"

I couldn't hear anymore, I was about to cry.

"I'm a burden to you?"

"You'll be if you keep taking my time"

My body froze and my heart was shattered into pieces. He looked at me with an irritated face I didn't ever want it directed at me. I knew he was stressed but this hurt so much. I knew all my feelings were in vain but I didn't regret leaving him notes and helping him. I felt this was the last time to be able to talk to him, so I confessed my last secret.

"Were all those notes I left you a burden to you?"

He looked shocked for some seconds but then it changed quickly to an angry one.

"Those were shit papers. I would rather receive them from a stranger than a shit like you. You know why we talked for all those years? Because I pitied the low self you were. Don't think we have something special because of that. Also, you want me just for popularity, don't you? Just like all the fake ass hoes of this high school"

"No- "

"Hah! Look at yourself! Crying as always! If that's all, please don't talk to me anymore and don't write those useless notes" he said and left.

My legs gave up and I fell to the ground. I started sobbing louder and cried for hours until I noticed it became dark. Normally I would ride a bus but today I wasn't in the mood so I went walking. It took me one hour to reach my apartment but right now I didn't care. I didn't want to eat so I went directly to my room and collapsed on the bed. I started thinking about what happened earlier...

He knew I suffered all my life from low self esteem and depression, so if he says something like that, it's because it's true. Yeah obviously, I've been a burden this whole time...

I started remembering about all the things we had done together as kids and then from when I started liking him... I stood up and went to my bathroom. I looked for the razor I always kept for times like this, then looked at my reflection on the mirror. I look so ugly, no wonder he rejected me. I'm also useless, I'm not good at anything.

I didn't even feel any pain. It went so smooth, I questioned myself why didn't I do this earlier. Oh yeah, he stopped me every time. He should have let me, so I wouldn't have been a burden.

Before I pass out, I wrote with my blood in the mirror "I'm sorry but I really didn't lie even once. I really love you". I hope this message gets to him. Even if it would be a burden again, I want him to believe me.

It's taking some time so I place again the razor, but this time against my neck. I press it with all the strength I have left and some minutes later I feel myself falling. I don't have any regrets, nor people who wants me...