Fever Dream || Frank Iero

.30.

MELISSA

"So how do you feel being an honorary member of the family?"

    Gerard sat down next to me in the gravel alongside the buses, water bottle in hand. I bit my lip and non-discretely tucked the beer bottle I was holding behind my back, and he quickly laughed.

    "I'm okay, Mel. Calm down. I don't care."

    I raised an eyebrow in hesitation, and he only smiled and nodded. I brought the bottle back out and sighed, looking out at the minuscule sliver left of the sun, the sky now mostly dark. Summer was fleeting, and it stung to think about. Finally finding comfort at the tail end of tour felt like some cruel joke I didn't understand- but I took it for what it was worth.

    "You did really well today. Almost better, actually," I said, smiling and knowing Gerard was too.

    "You really think so?"

    "Absolutely," I looked over at him. "You want to know something embarassing?"

    "Oh hell yeah," Gerard laughed, crossing his legs like a child.

    I squinted at him with a smile and shook my head, turning my gaze back to the skyline in front of me.

    "That first show I saw of yours, the first night on tour. I was so... I don't know, apathetic about everything. I guess I was a little angry about being dragged away and thrown into a pit of strangers. I think I was still pretty lost in a lot of things, so I just coped with it by being an uptight bitch."

    "You were never a bitch," Gerard interrupted.

    "That's kind, but just let me finish," I laughed, and gathered myself. "I was just closed off. But the second I felt that reverb in my chest, it was like something changed. I remember how amazed I was at everything- like it was everything I've been waiting for."

    I paused and watched the shadows in what was now moonlight, Patrick and Mikey laughing in the other corner of the lot. I smiled and felt timid all of a sudden, like I was baring some great secret when it really wasn't a secret to be kept.

    "I guess I just felt alive again. I wanted to tell you that before everything was over."

    Gerard looked at me and gave me a crooked smile, and I could tell his ego was ever so slightly grown.

    "What makes you think this is ever going to end?" He finally said, cicadas in the distance ringing from the trees around us.

    "Well, tour is over in a few days, I-"

  "Sure, tour is over. But all of us aren't. There's a reason I said what I said before the show tonight. That, and I think you may have made an impression on one of us that won't be going away anytime soon," Gerard said, looking away is if he were hiding something.

  I already knew what he was talking about, and it made my heart race. Part of me wanted to ask if he knew about the bet- but if he did know i'm not sure I would ever see him the same way again, and I didn't want to ruin that.

    "You're a fucki-" I tried to jokingly retort to mask it all, but Gerard was always two steps ahead of me.

    "Why don't you just go talk to him."

    I smiled in embarrassment and looked away, pretending like my cheeks weren't cherry red. For a moment I wondered how many other girls may have been in this mess of feelings when it came to Frank- though i'm not sure if I really wanted to know. Gerard watched my wheels turning and chuckled to himself.

    "Listen, i'll tell you one thing and you can decide for yourself. Frank might come off as a pompous, egotistical, slutty bastard, even I can admit that. But I know that kid better than anyone does, and that's just not him."

    Gerard began to continue but hesitated.

    "What?" I asked, knowing damn well he wasn't finished talking. He laughed again, running a hand behind his neck.

    "Man, if he doesn't glow when you're around," He said, as if he just let out a secret he meant to keep. "I've never seen anything like it."

    My chest filled with something- Air, butterflies, a million detonating bombs, who knows. All I knew is it was the kind of news I didn't know I would be excited to hear. Whatever it was, it was something so new to me. Even when I met Andrew I had never felt that kind of uneasy drop of the stomach. I didn't know whether to chase it, or run away.

    Gerard nudged me and it was then that I realized I was smiling like a complete moron to myself, staring at the skyline. He smirked at me and took a sip of his water, looking like he was proud of himself for knowing something about me that even I didn't know.

    "I think that's your answer," He said, pushing my back to try and coerce me into standing up.

    I laughed and stood, brushing the gravel off of my butt before turning back to Gerard.

    "You know I didn't come on tour to be that girl, right?"

    "Yeah no shit, dumbass. I know that, Frank knows that, that annoying cricket in the bush behind us knows that. Just go, kiddo."

    I couldn't help but smile, thankful that things were starting to go back to normal. Sometimes it takes almost losing someone to really understand the light they bring to your life, and if Gerard had left, i'm not sure there would be any light left.

    I took a deep breath and made my way toward Fall Out Boy's bus, where I had last seen Frank by. My thoughts were a terrible mess, and I wished I was prepared for this, if I ever could be.

    Do I tell him I kind of like him? Does he even like me? What if Gerard is just over-romanticizing this? Shit.

    I stopped for a second as I started to drown in my own head, only for the faint yelling of Gerard from behind me yelling "GOOOO" to follow a mere second later. I snorted and continued walking, repeating "You're not afraid of anything" in my head as many times as I could before reaching the bus door.

    It was dark now, a light breeze coming through every few minutes. I bit my lip before turning the handle, hoping that maybe he would be alone, though I knew he probably wasn't. The bus was lit when I entered, and I heard several voices. Most everyone was outside, so I questioned who else could be inside, until I got all the way up the stairs.

    There Pete stood with an arm around a young looking girl, and Frank sitting at the edge of one of the booths. On his lap was a similar looking girl facing him, skirt riding up in all the right places. He was looking away from her, and although he looked uncomfortable, my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.

    The room fell silent when I came into view, causing Frank to look over toward me. He looked visibly drunk, but speechless as his eyes fell onto mine. My breath grew short and I could feel my heart racing, but I couldn't form a sentence. I couldn't tell if I was angry, hurt, or just felt nothing.

  Suddenly feeling like I had lost it all, I walked over to the table next to him without a thought, taking that piece of paper- the piece of paper- out of my back pocket and placed it there on the surface, sliding it forward toward him. I only caught a second of his reaction before turning and walking away, and from what I could see it was nothing but shock.

    I walked out of the bus without a word, and I felt numb.