(Spoilers about 707 and stuff.)
The man with an ivory white jacket trudged his way through the frigid room to dispose of the results of the blood test. My heart started racing across my chest, maintaining a steady pattern of thumping so violently I swear Yoosung could hear it across the room. He didn't mention it. It also ached. Ached so bad I wanted to throw up, to smash my head against the marble tiles so vigorously that the pain from my broken skull was the one over-weighing the one in my heart.
The tears running down my crimson stained cheeks felt like the garnet cherry on top of my cake of torment and self-hatred. I felt like the weight of his consequences were entangled in my fingers, and instead of carefully tying the strings, I pulled so hard on the thread that it ripped apart. I wish he could comprehend how sorry I am, though 'sorry' is such an understatement for how I feel right now. His luminous lavender eyes would usually layer replenishment in the dark hole inside of my chest, but now it only tugged at my ribs, leaving the hole more likely to get infected. "Saeyoung...don't cry," he muttered, staring intently into my eyes.
His smile was so forced. I can see the pain coating his bright eyes in raven black. I felt stabs being thrown at my chest, slashes of a lustrous sharpened knife leaving blush blood trails down every crease of my body. The hole continued to devour my body. To devour the last portion of bliss that remained in tiny particles of sand in my chest.
It was all gone. "Yoosung. Break up with me."
"Why?"
"Break up with me."
The silence tore at my throat. My body wasn't yearning for water, but the very sense to say something to relieve his worries. It's all my fault. Tears built up and clashed as a salty waterfall of suffering running down his pale skin, now stained blush by the tears I brought upon him. Hiccups echoed from his mouth, cascading into mere emptiness in the bleak air of the hospital room.
I could tell he was trying to hold it back. To hide the built up emotions that constructed a tower in his upper body, clinging to his lungs to see the light of day through his words. The beat of my heart stopped, instead of picking up speed. Is this the right thing? "I-I know what you're thinking, but this was never your fault in the first place. You're saying we can't be together because you'll hurt me, but you know it hurts more if we go through with what you're saying..." he whimpers, inching closer to the edge of the right side of the hospital bed to lock eyes with me.
His hand clenched the thin pearl white sheet, keeping his balance to look at my facial expressions. He seemed so sincere. Yes, I love him. I love him more than I will ever love anything ever. He means everything to me, but it still burns my chest to know I was the one who caused this misfortune in his life.
It probably hurts more this way. "Yoosung...I...I don't have enough ways to say sorry in my vocabulary to express how this feels...." I couldn't find the right words. They were carved into the surface of my tongue, but once you let the pain from the markings roam free, you lose the meaning that they once were in your head. It never comes out right. I continued, "I never know if what I'm doing is right...but- it's unbearable seeing you like this. I know you're saying it's okay, but...I don't want to hurt you like this anymore."
I don't want to let this go. If I do, it's a disgrace to the pain I put him through and the stress that was thrown at him by my very hands like a heavy boulder struck into your skull. You may forgive the person, but that never makes it less unacceptable. He clearly not coming to the conclusion that is clear as those transparent Gucci bags to me. (sOrRy1!1!) "No..no. You're not hurting me. You never did. You know that it's not your fault whatsoever for what happened...please. I'm being honest with you.." he blubbered.
I traced his lips with possible words that were about to break through his cascade, but the silence dispersed them apart. He wanted to say something. He looks at me with a anxious expression, like the next thing he said would cost his life. "I....I love you so much...." He mumbled. It felt as needles scratched through my back, tearing through the skin, and up my chest to release the thick rose liquid yearning to escape from being hostage.
Which are like shivers but really painful. "Yoosung...you know I can't forgive myself babe. It's going to take a lot more than that. I love you too," I chuckled despite the heartbroken pain in my throat. He finally curved his taffy pigmented corner of his lips to release a warm smile that melted away the broken icicles that felt like knives in my chest.
"We can work through this together, okay? I'm not going to let myself lose you."
oKay so I know I haven't posted in months, but school cAn suCC mY LemOns. So I'm actually really sorry about the people who had faith in me. (very few, but still an amount.) I'm working on it because school is almost over and I'll do my best I think. ALSO REQUESTS PLEASE I'M DESPERATE.)
