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CHANLIX ⚠️ trigger warning ! ⚠️ mentions of suicide + foul language _______________________________________________________
his life was normal. it truly was. that was until he reached high school.
chris as a child smiled, had friends, and was good in school. it felt like nothing could take him down, or push him into darkness like people he knew. he never thought it would happen to him, and he wanted to believe it wouldn't happen to him. he didn't want his light to ever dwindle out.
move on to chris as a teen, in his last year of school, everything took a drastic turn. no one but him knew he was gay. he didn't want people to know that he was. he didn't want people to call him a disgrace, even though his mind told him he was. he wanted to be told he was human, and that it was okay to be this way. but no one ever filled that spot.
when his father found out, he was beyond disappointed. and it wasn't until his son had left his house in search for the only friend he could lean on, that he felt the guilt raise in his body. he knew that being gay wasn't a sin. but why did he act the way he did when he found out his son was?
when felix opened the door to chris at around ten at night, he knew something was up. nothing was questioned until they all finished dinner and they headed into felix's room.
"chris, why are you here, honestly?" felix asked in a soft tone as he sat down on his bed and patted the space next to him.
"I... how do I tell you? you'll judge me if I say." chris had sat down on felix's bed and placed his head in his hands.
"I won't judge you, you should know this by now." felix assured, his hand rubbing chris' back in an attempt to calm him down.
"i- I'm gay." chris whispered, lifting his head up and meeting felix's eyes.
felix held a look of tenderness and softness as well as understanding. felix placed his hands on chris's cheeks, using his thumb to wipe away the tears that began to trail down his face. felix knew the feeling that his best friend was feeling; he had also been at that point.
unsure if he'd later regret it, felix inched closer until his lips met with chris' pair. chris returned the kiss, in the same boat as felix. they were both unsure of if they'd later regret what they're doing. they both decided to not think about it and so the act continued until they both lay stripped of shirt and bottom, sleeping apart from each other however content with their feelings.
it was the next morning when chris and his feelings fell even deeper. felix's father had knocked on the door, which woke the two up, and as soon as he opened the door he was left speechless. he didn't want to believe that his son and his best friend were gay, but he let it process through his mind. the processing continued as he watched chris leave felix's bedroom, and walk to the front door.
chris had dropped his jacket and shirt, but instead of having picked it up himself, felix's father helped him. it was as if it were a small sign of saying that it's okay and it will be okay.
like all things in chris' life, it ends in disaster. rumours spread around school, and though no dirty direct looks were given to him, the torment happened after school mostly in the gym change rooms. high school kids are evil, immature beings and so they tormented and made fun of chris and his sexuality through his change room locker. they spray painted it and cussed him out and called him names through that means of communication.
he had enough. he really did. he stopped going back home, and he ended up sleeping where people shouldn't be needing to sleep. all of this made him feel as though he were alone. he felt worthless and useless, what good was he if he couldn't even have people actually care for him? the thoughts circulated his mind and even though his eyes were closed, they prevented him from falling asleep and getting rest he so desperately needed.
when he opened his eyes the next morning, he felt the sudden wave of not wanting to stay alive, he didn't want to stay alive. not when he knew that no one would ever love him like he thought felix did. because if felix loved him, wouldn't he have tried to stop him leaving that day? he knew where the device was that could end his life with one pull.
taking all his things with him, he walked the route back home. he knew his father and mother were gone at work, so it worked out perfectly. he seriously has had enough of everyone's bullshit and close-minded mindsets. so he wanted to end his misery. but as he loaded the gun and looked himself in the mirror, he saw the past flash before his eyes. he saw himself as a child, happy and carefree. all the memories he made with felix and the memories of himself and his parents.
as he looked at himself in the mirror with the gun pointed to his head, he realized how precious life really was. he realized that the people who flashed through his mind cared for him, no matter what. so instead of pulling the trigger, he pulled out a slip of paper he found on the street and dialed the number.
"national suicide prevention lifeline, how can we help you?"
"please help me."
with those words spoken, chris talked about everything and how he wanted to do the dark deed but couldn't go through with it. the other line replied with as much help as they could, and it benefited because slowly chris began to feel better. as he lay slumped against the side of his bed he let out a faint smile.
"thank you." he told the other line before hanging up.
chris put on his jacket and set out to find felix. it wasn't that hard, seeing how the younger was at their little hideout underneath a train bridge. when felix heard the small patter of footsteps he instantly turned around. and as soon as he was met with chris, he ran toward him and hugged him tightly.
"I thought you ended it all." felix began crying, and now it was chris' turn to place his hands on the crying boy's cheeks and wipe away the tears using his thumb.
"they helped me. the nspl." chris stated, a faint smile still ghosted his lips.
chris thanked the heavens as well as the person who talked him through his feelings of suicide. because without them he wouldn't be holding the boy he loved with all his heart in his arms as we speak. and he wouldn't be able to resolve all the issues between him and his family, as well as felix's family.
but now that he got help and is still alive, he managed to regain the love he thought he lost for good.
please, if you read this and you feel like taking your life, or you know somebody who feels this way, please call the number that is the title of this oneshot. there are tons of people who take their own lives not knowing the pain it may cause others even if they believed that no one would care if they did.
please, if you ever feel this way, know that the NSPL is there and always will be there to help.
