Solitude

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My heart starts beating and my hands start sweating
My chest starts sinking and sometimes will even start shaking
It's physical and emotional
And it's hard
***
The agony of voiceless mind
The lust and craving are behind

It keeps me up, I stay at night
I'm loosing all my appetite

My heart is beating out of time
My skin is cold, I hear the rhyme

It keeps me up at homeless night.

And I don't want it all inside my head.
And I still hold the heavy metal reins.
And I can hear the blood that run through veins.

The sound of crashing down on floor.
And holding pencil I adore.

I write it down with every day.
From Day to Night, from June to May.

To draw the thoughts and things "I can't".
The ones that I will always want.

I sit and write it down each day.

The silence's screaming way too loud.
I need something to dim it down.
To find a way to block the sound.

I love the words "give me a hand"
Even from person I can't stand

I need the people, to feel free.
I want them also to need me

I need to understand and feel
To be myself, to know it's real.

I need them all to make me free.

But I'm just comfortable with...
Me?

My mind keeps looking for a way
To find somebody else to blame.
Is it for real or just a game?

I want to see
To fully breathe
To feel, I shall not live in vain.
The life of a wannabe humanE
***
If I knew why, maybe it would all just go away
I don't think anyone really knows why
But I do go on
And I do understand that you can't always understand
And that's okay too

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