Malec Modern Romeo & Juliet

Chapter 3 Act 1 Scene 1

Bat and Russell, servants of the Bane family, enter carrying swords and small shields.

Bat
Russell, I swear, we can't let them humiliate us. We won't take their garbage.

Russell
(teasing Bat) No, because then we'd be garbagemen.

Bat
What I mean is, if they make us angry we'll pull out our swords.

Russell
Maybe you should focus on pulling yourself out of trouble, Sampson.

Bat
I hit hard when I'm angry.

Russell
But it's hard to make you angry.

Bat
One of those dogs from the Montague house can make me angry.

Russell
Angry enough to run away. You won't stand and fight.

Bat
A dog from that house will make me angry enough to take a stand. If I pass one of them on the street, I'll take the side closer to the wall and let him walk in the gutter.

Russell
That means you're the weak one, because weaklings get pushed up against the wall.

Bat
You're right. That's why girls get pushed up against walls-they're weak. So what I'll do is push the Lightwood men into the street and the Lightwood women up against the wall.

Russell
The fight is between our masters, and we men who work for them.

Bat
It's all the same. I'll be a harsh master to them. After I fight the men, I'll be nice to the women-I'll cut off their heads.

Cut off their heads? You mean their maidenheads? (Virginity)

Bat
Cut off their heads, take their maidenheads-whatever. Take my remark in whichever sense you like

Russell
The women you rape are the ones who'll have to "sense" it.

Bat
They'll feel me as long as I can keep an erection. Everybody knows I'm a nice piece of flesh.

Russell
It's a good thing you're not a piece of fish. You're dried and shriveled like salted fish. (They are joking about Bat's private parts.)

Raj and another servant of the Lightwood enter.

Pull out your tool now. These guys are from the house of Lightwood.

Bat
I have my naked sword out. Fight, I'll back you up.

Russell
How will you back me up-by turning your back and running away?

Bat
Don't worry about me.

Russell
No, really. I am worried about you!

Bat
Let's not break the law by starting a fight. Let them start something.

Russell
I'll frown at them as they pass by, and they can react however they want.

Bat
You mean however they dare. I'll bite my thumb at them. That's an insult, and if they let me get away with it they'll be dishonored. (Bat bites his thumb) (Biting the thumb is a gesture of disrespect.)

Raj
Hey, are you biting your thumb at us?

Bat
I'm biting my thumb.

Raj
Are you biting your thumb at us?

Bat
(aside to Russell) Is the law on our side if I say yes?

Russell
(aside to Bat) No.