ONE DAY [ MATHEW BARZAL ]

- five hours -

"I'm in love with you."

I push away from him instantly, my heart beating so fast in my chest I can feel it trying to escape. His words keep replaying in my thoughts, over and over again. Love, love, love. No he can't, he can't love me! This emotion doesn't exist, it is not real, his feelings for me aren't real.

I walk further away from him, my nerves getting the better of me as I try to at least calm down but it doesn't work. I never expected to react like this, I thought I would have laughed at him and went sure. But instead, I stand a few feet away from him, my body shaking and my head shaking his words from my thoughts.

We haven't known each other long enough for him to be able to say that word to me. No, no, no. He doesn't love me, he is just saying that to keep me here, so I don't leave later tonight. He is just saying that so he can win this stupid game we were playing. Gosh damit, why was I so stupid? I shouldn't have agreed to this game with him, we wouldn't be sitting here right now apart after he just told me he loves me. He just can't love me.

Each time I try to turn my gaze to Mathew, my heart increases its speed to the point where I am close to vomiting it up. I can't look at him, not after what I have just done. I can tell from here I have hurt him; how could I not have hurt him? I pushed away from him when he said he loves me, I can't look him in the eyes, my body reactions tell him everything he needs to know about what he has done to me. I don't want him to love me, I don't want anyone to have those fake feelings for me. They are not real, love is a fake emotion created by those who want to feel something.

Calming my racing heart, my breathing slows down just enough to have the courage to slowly raise my head towards Mathew. My heart instantly stops when I see him. Gosh, I done that. I changed him. He sits defeated, his whole body slumped over as he looks to his hands. My bottom lip rolls into my teeth as I hold my emotions in, his whole posture making me well up with tears.

A soft gasp escapes me when Mathews dark eyes meet mine. They hold every emotion I need to understand how he is feeling. Tears threaten to spill from them when our eyes meet. I hold my breath when I see him pull a sad smile to his lips.

"I-" He clears his throat when it catches. "I guess you don't feel the same way then."

It is my turn to start developing tears in my eyes, my heart hurting as I stare at Mathew. I do feel the same way about him, but is it love? No it isn't. I enjoy being around him, I enjoy being in his arms and when he kisses me my body just goes crazy. But what I feel isn't love, no, no it can't be. Or can it? Can what I be feeling is love for Mathew? No, no it isn't!

"I-I'm sorry?" I reply back, my voice straining so I don't break down into tears. I am seconds away from it though, if he says one more thing that hurts my heart or looks at me with those beautiful brown eyes then I am about to crumble.

I wish we had done everything differently. I wish we could have met earlier and my feelings for him would be justifiable with the amount of time we have known each other. Nine hours is not enough time to know if you are in love with someone or not.

"I just thought you would be feeling the same way I do, you know after everything that we have done today." My heart wants me to scream and tell him I do, I do have the same feelings. But my head is being more logical than my heart right now, and it is hurting me too much as I push Mathew away after spending so much time with him. I can't let him get closer to me now time is closing in on me to leave, I can't let him burden himself to me when I am not going to see him in a long time. I just can't, I have to let him go.