Faded, A Moomin Story

Faded 4

That evening, Moomintroll and Snufkin got ready for bed in Moomin's attic bedroom.
Snufkin took off his hat and boots and laid the pencil and paper on the bedside table. Moomin gave Snufkin a night shirt to wear so he wouldn't be too hot in his winter clothes. Then he lit the candles in the corner of the room, his back to Snufkin, giving him some privacy- but he caught a glimpse of him in the mirror: Snufkin had a reflection! He didn't say anything... He didn't want to embarrass his friend, because Snufkin hadn't noticed- but Moomintroll could see the back of Snufkin reflected in the full length mirror.

He was so thin than Moomin could see each individual rib. His tail, visible in and out of the mirror, dropped forlornly. He shifted and the light fell over his stomach before he let the night shirt drop over his head: it was hollow and skeletal. Moomin knew Snufkin hadn't been getting three square meals a day over the winter, but he hadn't realised how dangerously underweight he actually was, and it made him shudder.

Moomin looked away, pretending he hadn't seen, and then carried the largest candle over and placed it on the bedside table. He smiled at Snufkin and said,

"Alright?"

Snufkin gave him the thumbs up and they climbed into bed.

They lay in silence for a long while, the only light in the room from the moon shining through the window, which was pale and ghostly across the floorboards, and the guttering candle which cast small flickering shadows. Then Moomin whispered,

"...Snufkin?"

Snufkin reached out and gently squeezed Moomin's paw to let him know he was awake and listening.

"I... I wish I knew what to say to make this better," he muttered. "I wish there was an easy way out... I just want this to be over- I'm guessing you feel the same, huh?"

Snufkin squeezed his hand again, giving a silent very bitter laugh.

"But... I can see that this isn't going to go away overnight, and I just want you to know that you can take as long as you need... There's absolutely no rush. This is basically just what Mamma said, but it's true: I need you to understand that you'll never be a burden to us, and that we want to look after you for as long as you need. You're not an inconvenience and we love you... I love you."

They lay there in silence for a few moments, listening to the sounds of the night, Snufkin's hand in Moomin's paw. Then Snufkin quickly withdrew his hand, and Moomin felt a pang- he knew it- he was being too clingy- he shouldn't have pressured Snufkin into feeling like he had to reciprocate- it wasn't what Snufkin needed right now- he wouldn't want to stay in Moominhouse any longer- he would need to be alone-...

But Snufkin was reaching for the note pad. He felt infuriated that he had to write this down; he wanted to say it to Moomintroll himself! But, under the circumstances, he supposed he had better just write it.

Moomin stopped overreacting when he realised what Snufkin was doing. He let the floating hands scribble for a moment, then read what Snufkin had written:

Thank you.

And for now, that was enough.

~

In the morning Moomin woke before Snufkin. They had fallen asleep with their arms around each other, and the first thing Moomin saw was Snufkin's arms and chest and neck. He jumped and looked up, but saw no head or face yet. Mamma's medicine was working, however slowly.

He didn't want to wake Snufkin, so he lay quite still, his nose muzzled into Snufkin's shoulder, feeling the warm embrace and listening to Snufkin's steady heartbeat. After a while Snufkin stirred. He didn't move either, but gently squeezed Moomin in a tight hug and rested his chin on Moomin's head.

"Are you feeling alright?" Moomin whispered. Snufkin nodded. "Shall we go downstairs and get some breakfast?" Snufkin hesitated, then nodded again, not wanting to be rude even though he wasn't hungry.

They dressed and made their way downstairs at a leasurely rate, and when Moominmamma and Moominpappa saw Snufkin standing in his trousers and dress with his neck visible, they actually jumped for joy, and both hugged him. Then Moominmamma made them all pancakes for breakfast and made Snufkin drink another glass of Granny's medicine.

And so, thought Snufkin, all in all, things were getting better. He felt loved and valued. But there was something he hadn't been counting on- something that he couldn't have seen coming, and that put him back right where he started.