Not The One

Ch. 12

Last night was not the blur I was hoping it would be. I could recall every bit of the way the wind picked up, the feel of Anderson's broad chest against mine, the way his fingers laced into my fingers, and especially how his lips had kissed me softly at first before upping the intensity when I'd encouraged him by pulling him closer. Now in the incriminating light of day, my cheeks burned in shame as I realized how much I'd enjoyed it. Enjoyed him. Now the damage was done, and I had no one to talk to about what happened. I dreaded Monday; how was I going to act? What did this all mean? Or did it mean nothing and I was making a huge deal out of it? The most disturbing thing of all was how confused I felt. This wasn't supposed to happen.

I'd sworn up and down that I had absolutely no feelings for Anderson, let him come between me my friends, and now destroyed the friendship that had existed between me and him. I couldn't date Anderson! When we'd finally returned to our senses enough to have a conversation that didn't involve the entanglement of our bodies, he'd asked me if I wanted to catch a movie with him, and in a rush of endorphins and adrenaline and all the other hormones that allow teens to make regretable decisions, I said yes. I had never regretted a decision so much in my life, but backing out of it seemed out of the question too, even if I had a perfectly composed excuse in my mind. Somehow I'd gotten in over my head, and the kiss had sealed my fate. Every time Anderson came to mind, a silly smile crossed over my face before I realized what I was doing.

I chanced a glance at the clock. I'd meet with him around four, and unless I canceled between now and then, I had a date. I pulled my laptop out and hooked up my camera to steady my nerves. I still had a photo shoot to orchestrate, and December was literally a month away, with the contest deadline right around the corner. I kept putting it off even though I knew it better, but justified my actions with the argument that I worked well under pressure. I clicked through photos of Jazzy, and felt a thud in my stomach when I realized looking for a new subject would be the smart move to make. I'd stupidly tried to go over to her house unannounced late this morning. Her dad answered the door, and it had only taken ten minutes of awkward silence between us to realize that Jazzy didn't want to see me and didn't plan to come down anytime soon to chat.

A quick scroll through my Instagram feed had led to the discovery of Lucas' bio change, which now included a date and the heart emoji. I searched up Antoinette's bio and read the same thing, followed by a quote about friendship from Tumblr I'd texted her a while back. I didn't think it was possible but social media was ruined for me. I turned my phone off and walked into the bathroom. I took another sneak at the time and moaned. I needed to get a move on if I wanted to get to the theater at a reasonable time. I gave my outfit a once over, and suddenly self-conscious about my plain sweater and black skinny jeans, I went through a dozen different outfits, a new sensation of anxiety sweeping over me. It wasn't until I reached for some mascara and eyeliner that I talked some sense into myself and changed back into my original outfit, sans makeup. I wasn't going to start changing who I was or seek validation from a boy, cute or not. I cringed as I repeated my thoughts to myself. I'd indirectly called Anderson cute. I was becoming the very girl I looked down on. As I snatched up my keys and purse, I had one last opportunity to back out and save face. Then again, it was one date. I could do one date. One date wasn't a life sentence. I walked out the door before I could change my mind.

"Hey," Anderson greeted me, a huge smile on his face, and when I was close enough to get a whiff of his cologne, I almost didn't realize it was cologne. It was a subtle, woodsy scent that made me want to lean in and take a sniff. Instead I hung back from him, unsure of what I was doing. Usually I was the intimidator, not the intimidated. "Um, shall we?" Anderson lead me to the entrance, offering his hand. He made small talk, and I must have given satisfactory responses and sounds of affirmation, because I hadn't realized we'd gotten popcorn and snacks. I looked at the box of gummy bears and grimaced. What had I agreed too?