Unbelieving (A Johnlock Fanfiction)

Glass

Chapter 6:

"So," She started, "what have you been.." She picked up a half burnt cigarette and draped her slender fingers around it before flicking it nowhere in particular, "ahem.. doing?" She asked from the chair across me.

"I don't see how that's any of your business." I drawled out indifferently, testing her patience. Because that's what she was doing. I got up, and with one long stride and a fuzzy mind, picked up an unused cigarette from the mantle. It felt smooth. Heavy. Like a mind full of ideas before being handed a quill to stream them out.

I quickly lit it before breathing in and releasing a long whiff, almost in her face. Her face contoured into something that resembled disgust, but she masked it as quickly as it appeared.

Testing her patience.

"What have you been taking, John?"

"Why the hell do you care?"

"Nicotine? Cocaine? Heroin? What? " She asked loudly. I hissed in annoyance.

"John I'm asking you something, what are you-"

"Do I know you?" I whispered heatedly, shutting my eyes.

She started to say something when I cut her off completely, "DO I KNOW YOU!"

She staggered back like I'd just hit her, and shielded herself, as if I was going to hurl a knife at her.

Maybe I was.

"DO I KNOW YOU! DO YOU KNOW ME? Huh? Do you?! Do you know me? Hell, I don't know me." I laughed mechanically.

"John I-"

"Then why the hell are you here?" I hissed.

"You don't have to-" she started, her voice shaking and, the smugness was a forgotten myth.

"Don't you tell me what I have to do." I said through gritted teeth.

"Alright," She said finally, raising her hands in defeat, "I won't tell you anything." like that was supposed to make me happy.

"Get the hell out of my house." I said calmly. A little too calm for my taste.

"What?" She looked surprised.

"You heard me. Get. Out." I said, spelling it out for her, leaving no margin for error.

I was desperate. I was desperate to have someone to talk to, to have someone with me, near me. To hold me. To keep me straight, steady. Because I knew that I was falling in a pit, and I was never climbing out of it.

Contemplating wasn't an option. I had told her. She had to go. She was too much like him, and that's exactly what I needed. A bit too much, so she had to go.

He was an addiction. And he was beautiful.

She was beautiful, and she was like him. She would replace him. And I wasn't ready. I didn't want to replace him, I didn't want it to be possible. He was irreplaceable, and I would've rather it stayed that way. Everything about him gave me a little life, and I didn't want my source of life to change.

And so I picked up a glass bottle, flung it so that it would crash on the wall, right beside where she was standing. She shrieked, curling up into a ball on the floor, yelling something incomprehensible. I couldn't care less. She wasn't him, and so she wasn't needed.

"John please stop! Please just listen to once I'm only-"

"SHUT UP!" I hurled another bottle, that broke right in front of her, sending shards of glass flying into the air, and maybe some of them even hitting her, as she pushed into the wall even further, trying to control her breathing.

"GET OUT!" I yelled, threatening her with another bottle, a big one this time.

"John just stop. Stop!" She shrieked, as I was going to throw it at her, "Stop for Sherlock!"

She said it. She had said it. I didn't know how she knew anything, but she had said it.

His name hit me like an arrow in the heart, paralyzing every inch of my body as I just stood there, not even registering when the bottle fell out of my hands and crashed.

"What did you jut say.." I whispered, staring into nothingness.

"No, nothing. Don't don't mind me. It was a slip of tongue nothing serious, just stop and look at-"

"What did you just say.." I repeated, exactly like the last time.

"John. Listen to me. It doesn't mean anything, sit down. It doesn't mean anything." She said, ushering me to the chair.

"You.. Y- you said Sh- Sherlock.. You s- said Sherlock." I shared at her wide eyed, as breaths rattled out of my lungs.

"No, it meant nothing." She stated calmly.

"It means everything to me." I said, my voice shaking, and tears starting to form in my eyes, trying to push past the barriers I had put myself behind. "Tell me. Please." I begged. His name from her mouth gave me another light in my black tunnel of life, so I had to make the most out of it.

"No, John. It means nothing, I didn't-"

"Is he alive?" I asked, my heart beating a thousand times a second.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She said finally, her features hardening, and walked out of the flat just like that.

Without a word, I slouched on the armchair, my body hanging limply upon it.

--

Stars had lost their meaning for me. They were just little specks on a black screen now, instead of my dreams.

The little light I'd seen seemed so far fetched, now. I was stranded.

Truth had lost its meaning for me, reality was just one sad figment of imagination, waiting to fall down.

I was so alone, and so lost, and yet I owed him so much.

*****

(Oh henlo frens ^^

Sorry about this again, I'll try to make the next chapter a little better.
Yeah, this sucks, I know. But really. Sorry.

It has been too long a gap, and not worth the wait. But I promise to make the next one worth it.

I'm working on it y'all :/

Writing well in a block takes time. Some of you god sent writers wouldn't understand.

Yeah you know who you are.

Oki enuff toking

I'll leave now.

Bai ^^

~Annie~)