I Purple You

i

Disappointment.

Nothing else.

He feels like nothing but a big, fucking disappointment.

He sees it in the way they look at him.

Eyes filled with pity. Long faces.

As though someone had died.

He wonders if they sense that something has, in fact, died.

His will to go on.

There's nothing that incites that burning passion he once felt. That he had felt for music barely a month back.

Namjoon says this is a passing phase. Every successful voyage must encounter the doldrums.

He hates it. He hates the doldrums.

Yoongi lies curled up on the couch in his studio. The computer screen glares at him, several tracks are arranged haphazardly, making no clear melody. The dustbin in the corner is overflowing with paper that has been scribbled on and crumpled up. Sheets lie strewn across the desk, pens of different colours rolling across them. Yoongi just stares at these blankly. Slowly, he drifts into a fitful sleep.

***

Taehyung shuts the door of the Genius Lab quietly. The others look up at him with worry in their eyes. He has a stack of papers in his hand, and there are tears in his eyes. He hands the pages to Namjoon, and the others huddle together to try and figure out what is wrong with their beloved Yoongi.

The pages are scrawled with messy writing. Jimin chokes back a sob. Here and there the ink has been smudged with what can only be tears. Seokjin cannot bear to read his dongsaeng's writing, none of them can.

Failure.

Don't deserve to be in BTS.

LOSER

Disappointment, nothing but a disappointment.

Hoseok, the group's sunshine, has lost his smile. He can no longer cheer them up when his hyung's thoughts are eating him apart from within. He notices the drop in the group's mood and looks over at Jungkook. The youngest is bound to be the worst affected. Instead, he doesn't seem bothered. He is playing some sort of video game on his phone. For a second, red hot rage flashes through Hoseok's mind.

Then it hits him.

Jungkook is so distressed by this that he cannot face it. He seeks refuge in his games when he cannot mentally cope with what is going on. The best thing to do is to leave him to figure things out by himself. They all know that if he needs someone to talk to, he will approach them.

Meanwhile, they have to figure out how to help their strongest hyung.