Poems

My First Ever Poem

This is a poem about me.

And all those things that haunt my dreams.

To fake a smile isn't hard I guess,

All you have to do is nod and say yes.

Little do you know the touch that scorches my skin,

Or the endless nights I try to sleep but just can't win.

Little do you know how hard I try to fight,

Every single day and every single night.

Your touch...

It scarred me,

Now all I am is damaged property.

No matter how much I scrub my skin,

His touch is there, I can still feel him.

All those years, all those memories,

You did it all, just to get the best of me.

I struggle alone, I didn't want them to know,

They knew how much you meant.

Your blue eyes turned from soft and comforting ,

To me gasping for air,

Every second drowning me more and more.

Metaphorically speaking of course,

But you drowned me in my own thoughts.

Unclean, dirty and a whore...

Frozen...

You touched me...

I stood there, I let it happen,

It was my fault.

Or so I told myself.

Hey, I made a new friend...

His small and shiny...

His name is razor blade.

Every night, he tried to make me pure.

The stinging sensation,

The beads of blood.

Anywhere I could,

Arms, thighs, stomach, boobs.

I tried to cut away your touch.

Each layer of skin, 

Each day,

Each cut deeper.

Some people say self harm is attention seeking,

Some people say it's because you want to die.

I don't want to die,

I just see it as a coping mechanism.

PTSD...

The thoughts that scream at me

It was my fault...

I let you touch me...

Frozen ...

Please help me ...

You touched me ...

Your presence is all I can see.

Why?

Please tell me why.

2 years pass,

But the pain it still lasts.

Recovered I guess,

Razor blade left me too, probably for the best.

I now realise it isn't my fault,

You used to save me.

You was my hero.

But now ...

Now you're my fear,

I longed for your kiss.

Not to report this.

The police ...

Mother told the police ...

I tried ...

I said no, I begged ...

I'm just sorry.