Madness.

7.

The ball room is lit with a constant murmur. Word of an abdicated queen with a demon by her side spreads through what once was my kingdom, like hell fire.

They stare with a sort of scrutiny that should make one cower beneath their feet. 

A pity really, it seems that I have lost the ability to care what they think.

It seems I murdered my shame. Buried in somewhere in my yard beneath all my other wasted fucks.

I drown in the luxuries that I used to care for. I walk in make-shift confidence. Sport a podunk bootleg smile through my red lipped rage. My blood runs over my lips and I forget my insanity. This was once my playground, packed to the brim with politicians and investment bankers and entrepreneurs. I know how this goes; glide through the masses, mingling and smiling, letting out the occasional perfected laugh here and there. Gracing the idle rich old white men with my carefree charm.

An arm belonging to a tyrant I love, wrapped around my bare back. Holding an ice cold corpse to his body as if it would last a lifetime.

I wonder if he thinks me pretty tonight. Me in this long, sequined, skintight dress. Red like everything red. Shiny, like anything shiny.

"You look gorgeous tonight" He whispers in my ear and grips my waist tighter. 

I laugh. I chuckle. I giggle. I sigh. I Drown. Forget. I Kiss. Forget. Forget. Forget. 

I look at him. But his eyes aren't here. I look to see where his eyes have gone.

Suddenly I hear the ocean again. 

Suddenly I'm confused. 

There's this pain in my chest. I can't get it out. This, pain. I can't get it out. Suddenly I'm happy again. Suddenly I can breath again. I stop inhaling stones, I stop exhaling knives. Suddenly everything he'd done, means nothing.

There he is. The love of my life in a midnight tux and a pretty bow tie; it's red like everything red, the colour of my dress. His midnight hair is slicked back, his face is cleanly shaven. He stands like the King he is. Head held high, standing tall with pride, with his arms wrapped around his new queen.

She stands in his arms, in her emerald elegance, basking in her new found royalty as if it was always her own.

And perhaps it always was.

Perhaps it was never truly mine.

There it is. My heart and my sanity, he has them on his lips but he gives them to my sister.

And then he looks at me. He looks at me like a lost relic. I almost see the love he used to have. His arm drops from her side. She notices. Looks to where his eye's have gone. I look away but feel her eyes linger.

I turn to leave this hell but the devil keeps me captive.

"Let's get this over with shall we?" Says Blue.

"What do you mean, I'm not going anywhere. That wasn't the deal" I whisper.

"You want revenge, no?"

"No. You want revenge. You know what I want"

"That's to bad, here they come. Be a good girl and pretend that you love me."

I didn't say anything else.

"Rue is that you?" My sister's bubbly voice shrieked in excitement as she wrapped me into a bone crushing hug, I pray I don't die in her arms. It's a pitiful way to go.

I don't say anything. I don't hug back. My faces stays blank. My body stays rigid. I bottle my tears inside my chest. I swallow my cries into my lungs. The rage in me wants her blood spilt on this very floor, in this very room. The human in me reminds me of her child. The rage almost doesn't care. I keep the rage in my mouth and sew my lips together. This beast will tear her to shreds, so I must remain silent.