dear channie,
it's been two days since your funeral.
i hope you're happy and safe in heaven. how's the weather up there? i hope they have spare clothes for you in case you're cold in that gown they buried you in.
trying to joke makes me even sadder, you know? i know if you were with me right now, you would laugh and shake your head at my stupid puns.
when is it okay for me to laugh and smile again, channie? can i ever get out of this hole of pity and sorrow?
i don't think i can bear it.
the therapist i'm forced to talk to doesn't help. she keeps telling me to think of you as if you're on a vacation. yeah, sure. who is she trying to fool?
when she asked me to describe the pain i'm feeling today, i told her that it feels like someone is stabbing me in the chest with a knife, over and over again every time i think about you.
at day, i don't show any emotion. i won't talk to anyone except for that stupid therapist and woojin whenever he asks me how i'm doing. how the fuck am i supposed to feel? is he expecting an "oh, yeah, i'm excellent." or what?
at night, though, i let all my emotions free. i cry and cry until i cannot breathe anymore. maybe if i stop breathing i can join you up there?
no...i can't. i can't leave the others. they need me to stay. everyone's already a mess without you around.
if you're wondering how the others are doing... well, they are all writing you a letter too since that counsellor basically forced us to do it. i'm quoting her on this;
"it will be easier to write down your emotions than to talk, bottling up your feelings will destroy you."
funny because we're already destroyed.
i love you, buddy and i miss you.
yours truly,
minho
YOU ARE READING
eight letters | skz
Fanfictionin which bang chan has committed suicide and his band members are trying to cope with the grief by writing letters to him. © hugjinie
