It's been a week since the Melon Music awards. We're all using some time to ourselves in our shared house.
I walk into the kitchen to help a busy Jennie, preparing a meal.
"You're cooking?" I ask. She nods.
"I figure I'd make something nice for all of us to eat," she replies.
"Are you sure you don't want to just order something?" I ask, feeling guilty that she feels she has to cook for us. She just shrugs in response.
"Well, lemme help you then," I say, walking over to the counter. I pull my hair back and tie it up. After washing my hands, I start helping Jennie prepare the food.
I fill up the kitchen sink with hot water to wash the dirty dishes that have piled up from Jennie's cooking.
"Are the others still sleeping?" Jennie asks me. Lisa and Jisoo had decided to take naps before dinner.
"Yeah, I think so," I say, dully. Jennie seems to get the drift that I don't want to talk, because she returns to chopping vegetables in silence.
I sink my hands into the smooth, soapy, warm water. It feels really nice. I scrub the dishes as I let my thoughts wander.
I think about the MMAs, still fretting over my shaky performance. I feel slightly embarrassed about that. My thoughts travel to Lisa. I've been avoiding her lately, as much as possible. It's very hard, though, and I'm afraid of creating barriers between us.
As if on cue, Lisa walks in. She's wearing baggy sweats and a oversized t-shirt. Her hair hangs in messy waves.
Immediately, my heart starts beating fast. I start to panic. What if I start blushing, and everyone knows? What if Lisa already knows? What will they think of me?
Lisa gives me a concerned glance as she walks up to me, filling her glass of water.
"You look a little feverish," she says, "You might want to take a nap, too." There's a slight edge to her tone.
"I'm fine, actually, just still a little annoyed with myself about the MMAs."
"C'mon, you were awesome! And you should get some rest. You deserve it. I can finish your dishes." she laughs softly, lightly punching my arm.
I jump the slightest bit at her touch, and she catches it. "I-I'm really fine, you don't have to worry," I say, and it comes out choked and guarded. Lisa's eyes turn to a sad expression, and instantly I feel guilty.
I want to say something, but it's too awkward now, and the only thing I can do is turn back to the dishes. After a second or two, Lisa retreats to her bedroom.
I continue washing the dishes, feeling even more embarrassed and foolish than before. I let out a long sigh.
Maybe Lisa is right. I should take a nap. I need time to think my thoughts through.
Jennie walks up to me, with a knife and cutting board in hand. There are little food scraps left on the cutting board, spread out in every which way. She dumps the cutting board and knife into the water, and it creates a little splash.
I feel a small drop of water on my cheek.
"Are you alright, Rosie?" Jennie asks me, concerned. I push my thoughts back down, take a deep breath, and turn to her.
"Yeah, why?" I ask. She rests a hand on my arm.
"Rosie, I know that you're not acting this way just because of the MMAs. I think I know what's going on."
I feel as if she has shattered something. She was able to see right through me. She was able to detect my feelings that I tried so hard to hide.
Panic, like I've never felt before, it comes in a big rush.
But, worse than that, fear.
