The Last Empress

19. The Emperor's Love Child

Hyuk came back to the palace two days after the ball had ended. He had left a stranger, a man with a pale, set face, who would not look at me, nor speak to me. For two nights, he was away, somewhere; he could not, would not be reached. I called him numerous times, and must have texted close to a hundred messages to him, none of which he replied. He came back to the palace on the third day. I woke up, and went to the open window. I heard his voice. He was speaking to someone on the lawn, a servant, perhaps; he sounded calm, and himself. I dressed, and went to the library. He was standing there by the window, his back to me, looking out to the woods beyond the lawns.

"Hyuk," I said. "Hyuk, where have you been? I have been so worried."

He turned.

"Oh, it's you," he said. "I went for a drive - I needed to clear my head."

"I see," I said, and I could hear the simmering anger beneath my words, rippling, bubbling, frothing under the calm facade.

He must have heard it too, because he said, "I'm sorry that you were worried. I - needed to be alone."

"I called you," I said, and this time, my voice was trembling with anger. "I called and called you, but you never answered. I texted you, over and over, and you never replied, not once. Even if you were angry with me, you should have answered."

"Was I angry with you?" he said, looking weary.

"Yes, you were. I didn't mean it as a cruel joke. It waa nothing like that at all. It was a misunderstanding. Your mother gifted the gown to me, her maid dressed my hair. If there were anyone that you should be angry with, it would be your mother."

He stared at me.

'Your mother made me wear the gown. Your mother told her maid to dress my hair. And you know why she did both of those things, don't you? So that I would look like So Hyun."

It was the first time I had said her name - So Hyun. It felt wrong, forbidden, sacrilegous; my lips burned from the mention of that name.

"You are mistaken," he said coldly. "My mother would not do such a thing on purpose. It was just a coincidence that she chose the same dress as - as the one she wore."

"Your mother hates me," I said. "She said that I could leave anytime I wanted. She said that there were others willing to take my place."

"Like Min Yoo Ra," I said slowly and clearly, and waited to see his reaction.

His lips tightened, but he did not say anything.

"Min Yoo Ra, your mistress," I said again, my voice hard. "The mistress you had when your beloved wife was still alive. The mistress you kept for two years when the wife you loved so much was still alive."

"Is that why you cannot forget So Hyun? Is it because of your guilt that you betrayed her with your mistress while she was alive? Did she kill herself because she found out about your affair? Did she kill herself and her unborn child - your unborn child - because she was beside herself with grief at your betrayal? Is that why you cannot bring yourself to talk about her? Is that why it is forbidden to remind you of her?" I cried.

His face was a mask of white.

"My past is no concern of yours. We will not talk about this again," he said, and turned abruptly from me.

"Do not turn away from me, Hyuk," I cried. "Talk to me, tell me what it is that torments you."

I grasped his hands.