The Last Empress

25. Secrets

"She was seven months pregnant when she died," I say. "Whose child was it?"

"It was not mine. We had not slept with each other, not once, since the day she told me the truth about herself on that rocky outcrop, except for that one night, when I was drunk. In my state of intoxication, I slept with a woman dressed like her, sleeping in my bed, and I took her in hatred, because I wanted to punish her, and vent my hate and my resentment on her. I woke up the next morning, and she was gone. I thought it had been a dream, and that it had never happened. But, as you know, it was revealed later that the woman in my bed whom I thought was So Hyun was, in fact, the nanny, Seo Kang Nee. And I will have to live with my shameful act, my sin, for the rest of my life."

"So Hyun had many lovers, and was always hungry for more. She began to cast an eye in Woo Bin's direction, and would turn up at his house many times. It got to a point where he could not take it any longer, and he confided in me, and I spoke to her, and threatened her, I told her to leave him alone. She laughed in my face, and said that she would not leave him alone, and that she would break down his defences. She said that no man could resist her, no man had ever been able to resist her. She continued to pursue him, but stopped after a few months. She had probably found a new distraction, and I let her be, because she was not bothering Woo Bin any longer. We continued as before, living our own lives, and then one night, out of the blue, she called me, and said that she wanted to speak to me. It was a matter of great import, she said, and if I refused to speak to her, I would regret it for the rest of my life, she would make sure of that. She was at the cottage, and she would be waiting for me.

When I arrived at the cottage at about eight o'clock, she was there, waiting for me, as she had said. She was dressed in a red and gold hanbok, her hair was coiled up, and there was an air of suppressed excitement about her; she looked as if she was bursting to tell me something, and I knew at once that whatever it was she had to say would be to my disadvantage. You see, she hated me, quite as much as I hated her, possibly even more, and nothing delighted her more than making me squirm with misery, and humiliating me.

" 'What is it?" I said curtly. 'Tell me, and be quick. The sight of you makes me ill.' "

" 'She smiled, and said, 'Why, darling, I would have thought that you would have missed me. After all, we have not spoken to each other like this, just the two of us, for almost three years.' "

"I looked at her with scorn, and said, 'Hurry up, and speak, before I retch and throw the contents of my dinner all over your slut face. But, perhaps, who knows, you might very well lap up my vomit, given your fondness for wallowing in scum...in fact, my dear,' I said silkily, 'I have never told you this before, but you have a distinct stench, an odour about you, it clings to your body, and I can smell it a mile away. It is the stink of rot and decay, of foul faeces and vile vomit. It is no wonder you change your lovers as often as you change your clothes. it must be unbearable for the poor souls to put up with your stench. No wonder they keep running away, and you have to find new ones to take their places.' "

"Her face changed."

" 'You have gone too far,' she gritted. 'You will pay for insulting me.' "

"But I laughed in her face, and said mockingly, 'It's a good thing you're barren; imagine the hordes of bastards you would have to get rid of, to keep up with your animal appetites; your little bastards, each fathered by a different fool...why, you would lose that nice, trim figure of yours in no time at all, then where would you be?' "

"Her face turned white, and she said, 'Do not insult my womanhood. I would be a good mother, my child would want for nothing.' "

"I looked at her then, as one would look at a bug that had crawled out from under a stone, the lowest of the low, and said softly, 'Pray to God you never bear a child, nor become a mother, my dear, for any child that has the misfortune of coming out of your vile, dirty womb would be born a mindless, babbling idiot, missing an eye, an arm and a leg. It is the penance for living a life of sin, and you know what they say: it is the child who will bear the sins of its parent. And your sins, my dear, would put all other sinners to shame.' "