XANNY ▹ Harry Bingham

SHE SAID

mention of alcohol, mental illness, drugs, and abuse. this is a trigger warning. please do not read ahead if you'll be negatively affected.

chapter ten

"i hope there are days where you fall in love with being alive"

_

Eden fluttered her eyes open, examining the dimly lit room in a blurred daze. She assumed it to be morning, though no-one had opened up the thick drapes. She nuzzled her face into her hardened pillow, not ready to adjust with the surrounding environment. It wasn't recognizable-- certainly not being her own bedroom. With the movement of one leg, there was a sudden clink of a glass beer bottle, as it rolled off the bed and onto the floor. Her pillow roused, wrapping an arm around her torso.

That's when everything clicked.

Eden shifted her gaze upward, realizing her pillow was not pillow at all. It was the chest of Harry Bingham, whose face still remained relaxed in his peaceful snooze. His arms delicately wrapped around her in a gentle state; yet, it caused deep anxiety in the pit of Eden's stomach. She uncovered herself from the duvet, revealing nothing but a few articles of lingerie covering the intimate parts of her body. She felt nauseated, assuming that Harry'd wake up in disgust and declare it a drunken one-night stand.

She slid herself out, away from his embrace, and huddled down on the floor next to the bed, searching for her clothes. She pushed around the tide of objects that littered across the floor, trying not to make a sound. She crossed the room on tiptoe, scanning for anything to wear. In doing this, she noticed her jeans mixed up with several pairs of Harry's t-shirts, button downs, and scraps of paper. She quickly and quietly slipped them on, still without a shirt.

She felt a vibration in her back pocket so she reached for it, feeling the outline of her phone. She pulled it out, reading the caller ID.

Wren Blanchard

She pressed accept in a haste, using her shoulder to prop the phone against her ear, using her hands to continue searching for her top.

"Hey, are you at the church yet?"

Trying her best not to wake the moron still in bed, Eden kept her voice at a low volume. "No, why? What's at the church?"

"Why are you whispering?"

"Wren, just-- what's at the church?"

"Did you not see Cassandra's text?"

Eden quickly pulled the phone away from her ear, exiting the call icon to go look at her updated messages.

CASSANDRA: Meet up at the church. Urgent.

"Shit..." She held the phone back up to her ear to make sure Wren was still on the line. "Still there?"

"Are you coming or not?"

"Yeah, I'll be right there."

"Can you also --" Wren's voice got cut off mid-sentence; Eden's phone had died. In complete desperation, she snatched up one of Harry's button downs and threw it over her shoulders. It was loose on her, which was expected. The sleeves hung past her fingertips and the collar dipped down to her cleavage, not being fully buttoned up. She tucked the front into her jeans and rolled the excess sleeve length up to her elbows.

She headed for the exit but was abruptly stopped by a shuffle behind her. She turned around, watching Harry, fortunately still asleep, burying himself underneath his sheets. She let out a breath of relief, and the corner of her lips lifted into a small smile. He looked so peaceful.

•

The double doors swung open, causing every single head inside the church to turn towards the noise. Eden awkwardly shuffled inside, clearly dishevelled. She chose to sit next to Wren, who'd made herself at home in the row farthest away from the altar. Cassandra stood up front, leading a meeting, and remained silent until Eden took a seat.

Eden impatiently tapped her fingertips against the rosy cedar browns of the bench, feeling its buffed out wood underneath her nails as Cassandra continued with the speech.

"Everything that kept us safe is gone. Male testosterone is going to kill us."

Eden looked around at the faces throughout the church hall, noticing not a single one belonged to a guy. It was a girls-only powwow, and they were talking shit about the dudes.

Cass continued without a pause, "Women aren't safe in a world run by brute force and stupidity. We need order, and to do that, we need to exert our power." A wave of nods circulated through the crowd of women. Eden, though, was busy massaging her fingers into her temples. She needed a fix, but she wasn't going to get one in this crowd full of people. She rattled off an excuse to Wren for her abrupt exit, and the sister brushed her off with a subtle head nod. Considering that enough, Eden apologetically smiled to Cassandra before slipping back outside.

•

In this new world, Eden forgot her sorrows. But after a time she would feel her high decrease, and she would remember-- she wasn't so happy. So she would take another upper. Each time, however, she would look in the mirror again, with no grin. So she would up the dose, diving deeper into her addiction.

Today, as she stumbled out of that church, she felt her heart rate accelerate as if it were ready to explode. She felt hot, sweaty, and unsteady with anxiety. She felt through her pockets for the familiar rustling of plastic, but to her dismay, there was none. She started looking around her in a frenzy, hoping the baggie had just fallen out of her pocket and onto the church porch.

Caught up in a panic, she grew disoriented, and the world around her began to spin. Her breathing came out in short bursts and in seconds, her only movement was the trembling of her limbs as salty tears began to darken the sleeves of Harry's buttondown. She stepped backwards, and her foot slipped on the top church step, throwing her only support out from under her. She flew backwards and her head hit the sidewalk with a loud crack.