Rasputina and the Witch's Tsar

Chapter Thirty-Four

            "Do you know how lonely it's been since you were in exile?" Pareskevas closes the door behind him.

I sigh, getting to my feet from where I had been beside the window. Staring out at the emptying streets as night is falling. Wondering where the snow went once it melted. Whether it ever thawed like a frozen heart, poisoned by bitterness and hatred. "Are the children asleep?"

"Are you listening to me?" A shadow darkens across his features, a whine caught in his throat. "Do you ever listen anymore?"

"I don't have time for this right now..."

"They say you are a witch." The words strike like a wound. I cannot find the words to speak, my tongue heavy in my mouth. My body refusing to even draw breath with the shock of it. "Is that true? Did you bewitch the tsar? Did you when you seduced him?"

"You know I am of God."

"Are you?" His broad shoulders fill the frame. So, unlike the courtiers, the duke and the prince, sitting atop their fine horses or picking at large plates with tiny, half-eaten morsels of food. His words so unflowery. No need to tilt your head a certain way or dress in certain fashions. Plain. Simple.

Sees far too much.

"Was it lonely..." I go towards him, pulling him slowly towards me. Wrapping my arms around his neck. "...when I was in exile?"

Tears run down his face despite his best efforts. Brow pulled low in a mix of anguish and anger. "They saw you do magic. You trade the tsarevich's blood in return for some strange immortality. That you make deals with succubi. Your eyes land on everyone but me, Maria. I know you brought us here, to St. Petersburg. But I can't stand in the shadows for much longer."

"Stand beside me, Pareskevas." I whisper, my breath against his ear. He fidgets, uncertain what do with his hands. I move them to wrap around my waist. "The people hear what I want them to hear." I think of Kaskil. Ursula. The seedier brothels Kas has frequented in order to garner drunken tongues to my side. "It is better to be feared than loved, no?"

"That's a lie... Only a saying."

"This city is full of lies." I tell him, and he loses his willpower, falling to the bed. I wipe away his tears. "I have no intention of returning to Siberia." I go to my nightstand, reaching for a flask of fine liquor I keep there. A gift from a grateful courtier when I passed on messages from her dead grandmother. "I will do everything in my power to stay here. Everything, Pareskevas, do you understand?"

He looks up at me, and I pass him the flask. He drinks it like it tastes of vinegar. "I don't know what to do anymore, Maria."

I wrap my arms around myself, a roguish twist at my lips. "Put the children to bed."

He stares at me for another moment. I turn and pose within the light, arching my back ever so slightly. He leaves the room and I relax. Releasing my muscles from where I'd clenched up in anxiety.

God give me strength to survive this sinful city.