AT LAST, I COULD BREATHE | billy hargrove

the kids are not alright.

chapter song: Blame It On Me - Post Malone

the kids are not alright.

"You ok?" I heard my brother ask from behind me. I shifted my position on the couch to turn and face him, still eating the cookies n cream ice cream I was halfway done with.

"Yeah, why?" I lied.

"'Cause you're eating a whole tub of ice cream and watching TV but the TV's not even on," he reasoned, pointing towards the small box that sat across the room, off.

"Would you look at that," I chuckled humorlessly. My attention went back to the ice cream and I turned away from Shawn, pulling the blanket I was under up to my neck.

I felt the cushion next to me sink and braced for a lecture while continuing to scoop my favorite ice cream into my mouth.

"What's going on, Bo? You're acting so fucking weird it's annoying."

"Fuck you, Shawn."

"Seriously," he said, snatching the tub of ice cream from my grasp. My jaw dropped and I pouted at him dramatically. "What is it?"

I stuck the spoon in my mouth and cleaned it off, looking away from him. I took a breath and set the spoon down on the napkin that lay on the coffee table in front of me. "I almost kissed him."

"Billy?"

I nodded my head up and down silently, looking down at my hands in shame. Shawn stayed quiet, probably not knowing what to say. I could feel myself choking up and when I spoke again, it was just barely a whisper: "I'm gonna lose him, Shawn."

"No you won't, Bo, you guys are too close."

"That's the problem, though. We're too close," I sniffled. "I'm gonna lose him."

Shawn knew he couldn't object based on what he already knew of the situation at hand. Instead, he just lifted up his right arm and I leaned into him while he just let me cry. Tears flowed steadily out of my eyes to the point where they stung and I knew they were probably bloodshot too. My brother simply ran his hand up and down my right shoulder in an effort to comfort me by some capacity.

"What do I do?" I asked, actually to no one in particular.

"I dunno, dude. You're in a bit of a pickle, here. I guess all you can do is wait it out and focus on other people," Shawn suggested with a sigh. "Any other friends?"

I racked my mind for someone I could use to help keep my mind off of Billy and it made me realize just how much time we spent together. We never went more than two days apart. Probably a bit unhealthy, I know. It took me a moment to brainstorm other people and eventually came up with Steve Harrington. We always had laughs, so why not?

"Steve," I whispered. "Steve Harrington. He's pretty cool."

"Okay, then you should go hang out with this 'Steve'. He isn't friends with You Know Who is he?" I laughed silently at Shawn's nickname for Billy and also at the thought of Steve and Billy ever being friends.

"Jesus, no, they do not get along."

"Cool, then go hang with him instead of being lazy and pathetic in here."

I flipped him the middle finger as I stretched from my chronic position on the couch. The thought of hanging out with Steve did dull the pain and loneliness I had right now, so I suppose it was a good thing. I trudged up the stairs slowly because of the pins and needles that were attacking my legs and feet. Fuck pins and needles—worst shit in the world.