Genre: Action/Fantasy, though it isn't tagged Action or Fantasy
PRESENTATION ✿✿✿❀❀
The cover is nice. I don't love the background texture or the username used in place of the author name (makes the book and cover look amateur. If you don't want to disclose your real name, make up a pen name) but the text is lovely and it makes the cover striking. If I saw it, I would pick it up.
The author's note, I don't see the copyright thing as necessary but I'm not going to deduct points for that. I have mixed feelings about the theme song. On the one hand it's cool that you wrote a theme song for your character, but on the other hand, the song itself is really repetitive and not the highest quality. I could have just looped the first thirty seconds instead of listening to the whole thing (which I did, because I am a professional). I get that you most likely don't have really high-tech equipment and you're working with what you've got, but it just falls into my general feelings about book trailers. If you can't make it high quality, why do it at all?
In the end, it's up to you. Some readers will probably love it. It didn't tickle my fancy.
I took another point off for the images at the tops of your chapters (and in your third chapter. Please never do this). The first one is way too big, the second one is just really plain, and the third ones? Why describe something at all if you're just going to put a picture of what you're describing directly after it? It takes the magic out of the descriptions. You already have all this art in the "Art" chapter, it doesn't need to be in the actual story.
HOOK ✿❀❀❀❀
I'm not going to go into detail about your blurb because it would take too long. Basic points:
-We don't need the main character's pronunciation guide. It's breaking the fourth wall and you didn't give it to us for the other dude whose name I can't spell or pronounce, so it doesn't make sense.
-Second paragraph sounds awesome. Great conflict, unique setting. First paragraph is a mess. It's cliche, vague, and poorly formatted, so it looks like you're saying her destiny is her greatest enemy.
-More than half of your blurb is taken up by reviews and awards. I'm personally not a fan of doing that, but I think it probably encourages other readers to give your book a shot so I won't deduct for that. Regardless, it's still too long.
But let's get to the first chapter. The opening scene isn't particularly interesting, although it might have been if your character was likable (more on that later). Then we get into a huge infodump backstory with no coherent tone and extremely telly language. It sounds more like you're having a chat with a friend and you decide to tell them your life story.
Also, we need to address this:
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So nobody had a problem with being ruled by beings that required human sacrifices? Nobody had a problem sacrificing other people?
Actual sequence of events:
Gods: Give us human sacrifices or we will not let the sun rise!
People: Okay cool.
And then everything was great.
I think this was a little glossed over and needs to be re-examined. I understand human sacrifices were a part of the Aztec religion but if you're going to include it, it needs to be taken more seriously. Especially considering that the Aztec people and the gods are supposed to be the good guys. It sounds a lot more like the gods were terrorizing the people, which isn't good for your story considering the whole plot is about Anochti trying to restore the last god. I'm not exactly cheering for them to bring back the good ol' days.
In general, this first chapter is very telly and nothing actually happens. Anochti sits on a rock, thinks about her origin story (as one does), and then goes to have lunch. Nothing's really enticing me to read the next chapter.
GRAMMAR ✿✿✿✿❀
The grammar isn't bad. There are a few typos, repetitive phrasing, and a couple terms/verb tenses used incorrectly. In terms of sentence structure, there are several run-ons. For example:
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Which, ironically, is preceded by another run-on sentence. But yeah, now you know what to look for.
PLOT ❀❀❀❀❀
In the first three chapters the plot pretty much does nothing and goes nowhere. So like, the book version of me.
Anochti sits on a log. Anochti holds hands with a monkey. Anochti beats up her fiance.
Also, I don't understand the whole "defeating the god's enemy" and "serpent god necklace" thing. It makes no sense. If Anochti's mom has the necklace, why hasn't she given it to Anochti by now? She says Anochti isn't ready but come on lady. Anochti is perfect. Haven't you heard?
CHARACTERS ❀❀❀❀❀
You know there's a problem when I like the arrogant, big-headed fiance more than the main character.
Anochti is obnoxious, and not even by her own fault, but by the way the book and all the other characters talk about her. She's the best at everything, she's not an ordinary person, she has amazing abilities, she's destined for greatness, etc. If it's supposed to be written to make her insufferable, then good job. If not, I would suggest toning it down several notches.
She's over-powered, for one thing. For another, everyone and everything is obsessed with her. And outside of being the best at everything, she doesn't actually have a personality. She does what female main characters are supposed to do when they're the Chosen One: dislike her fiance but agree to marry him For Her People™, beat everybody at fighting, and wander around thinking about stuff she wants to do but doesn't.
And you know what? Compared with all that, I don't really mind Tunitach being rude and stupid and macho. If Anochti was so gloaty about beating me I wouldn't be thrilled either.
ENJOYMENT ❀❀❀❀❀
The part where they were sacrificing people and nobody cared was kinda funny.
CONCLUSION:
Overall this book has a good premise that failed to come through, at least for me.
