Me Rambling On About Slipknot Shit I Happen To Think About

That's Not Gonna Be To Happy

I'm sorry...it's gonna be sad.

So...First of all...I'm feeling really heartbroken and sorry for the Crahan family, losing people so close just hurts horribly.
I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose my brother, I'd probably do a lot of stupid shit and play strong for my Mom and Stepdad.
But it got me thinking

I'm turning 21 in just 2 months, I have a history of substance abuse and heavy drinking.
My doctor was surprised I'm still alive, I have heart problems and high blood pressure (both diagnosed when I was 16) and the drugs fucked my heart even more.
I also started smoking when I was 14, but I stopped 14 days ago, and I'm not gonna start that shit again.

It could be over so damn fast...if I continue the way of drugs and shit I'm gonna be dead next year.
But the drugs helped, and it's gonna be hard to stop them completely.
Well, I don't take drugs on a regular basis, I take them on party's or when I get together with some friends.
On Partys it used to be a lot of cocain, but lately mostly LSD or ecstasy, well smoking weed with my friends too.

I'm gonna cut that shit out of my life now, I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me, I'm here for helping them heal, not for breaking them down.