stepbrother jikook/kookmin

chapter 18: stay

(Jm p.o.v)

I walked to the little park near my house while humming a familiar song to myself. When I got to the park I walked around for a little while before parking myself under an old oak tree near the pond.

I just sat there..emotionless.

Like the rest of..well, everything was nonexistent.

Then the flashbacks came.

Now I know why this park looked so familiar.

This park reminds me of the one park I went to everyday in Busan.

The old,vivid, yet painful memories came back to me.
The memories of myself sitting alone under an oak tree, much like the one im sitting under now, filled my mind. Hundreds of memories flashed through my mind. Each one more heart-wrenching than the next.

I was always alone

I was always bullied

I was always in pain

Always in tears.

That park with the large trees and pond with a bridge across it and a playground for all the little childern to play on with their best mates.

That park was my safe-haven.

That park was my Neverland.

I would always go to that park to rid myself of all my stress, problems, and biggest fears. I would go to that park to cry.
Just cry about my dead mother.
Cry about my father who drinks so much.
Cry about why I was never good enough for anyone to love me.

I went there to plan.

It's where I went to plan my escape to Neverland.

It's where I went to plan my own death.

Looking back on thoes times I realise how much my life has changed. I have a mother. A mother who feeds me, comforts me when I have insecurities about myself, and always makes an effort to tell me 'have a good day' and 'I love you, Jimin. Have a good day at school.' I have a stepbrother who protects me and isn't afraid to tell me how important I am to him. He makes me feel like I will never be hurt when he is around. Just thinking of his bunny smile and bright doe eyes makes me feel braver. Appa has stolled coming home..well, at least when I am home, anyway. Jungkook has told me once or twice about him coming to the house and banging on the door and the windows. I sigh and look at my surroundings. Everything is so alive.

Everything is so beautiful.

How did I get so lucky?

I could have been dead today if it wasn't for my second chance at a better life.

Just one too many painkillers.

Just pressed a bit too hard while I slit my wrist.

I could have been gone a long time ago..

But I'm not dead. I'm still here

I'm living my second chance at a new beginning.

My only worry is when it will end.

I wipe the tears that have fallen from my eyes and check the time 9:59. I need to go home. I know Jungkook won't be home by the time I get there, so I will have a few minutes to get myself together.

(At home)

I quickly unlocked the door as iy was cold outside and I didn't have a jacket with me.