Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliche

What You've Done To Me

"Ash?" Ronnie asked as I came into the apartment.
"Yeah?" I collapsed onto the couch.
"I'm sorry."
"Ronnie, you know how-"
"Yeah, I do."
"Then why'd you do it?"
"I don't know, I just..."
I shook my head and bit my lip. "See? Your answer of 'I don't know' was so much worse then anything I imagined. It wasn't even an answer. I thought you'd say something like you were drunk, or she made you, or... But you just said I don't know."
"Babe-"
"You know I have abandonment issues. After my mom, and my dad, and Craig, and-"
"-Don't say it-"
"You went to prison."
"Ash..."
"I don't know if I can trust you. It's not the first time, either."
"What?"
"Like, a week after we got together, I saw you smoking a cigarette and making out with a girl."
"You saw that?"
"Yeah, and I fucking let it slide, because goddamn, you just got out of prison, and... Fuck, Ronnie. I've always wanted to trust you, to love you, but... I can't." I stood up. "And I should've realized it, because I've grown up with you, and yeah, I love you as a friend, but I can't love you like that, even though I did, and you broke my heart."
"Ash-" He stood up and caught my wrist.
"I love you, Ronnie. I just can't put myself through that again."
Ronnie nodded and slowly left my apartment. A couple minutes later, I get a text.

Max: hey, you ok?
Me: yeah. fine
Max: doesn't sound like it. what happened?
Me: it's fine, don't wanna burden you
Max: you can tell me
Me: I broke up with Ronnie
Max: oh, shit. I'm so sorry
Max: do you want me to come over?
Me: yeah. please

A few minutes later, Max was over at my apartment. "Hey."
I looked up. "Max."
"I'm so sorry."
"It was... Fuck." I sighed. "He also cheated on me when we started dating."
"What?" He sat next to me and took my hand.
"A week or so, I came home, and he was smoking a cigarette and making out with some girl in front of the building."
"God, I'm sorry."
I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I'll be... I'm fine."
"I'm fine and I'll be fine are two very different things. Which is it?"
"I'll be fine."
We were silent for a couple minutes. "Remember when we were teenagers?"
"Which time?"
"You were sixteen, I was seventeen."
"The day we slept together."
"Yeah. That was fun." He rubbed circles in my palm.
"I was a virgin."
"I figured. I mean, you were sixteen and had never really dated anyone."
"Yeah."
"And when we told Ronnie? He was... Supportive."
"Yeah, it was weird."
Max slid his other arm around my shoulder. "We were a fucking power move in a relationship."
"Yeah, we were."
"Why'd we break up?"
"Time. We never saw each other. You were with the band, I was working my ass off on graduating high school. And we were both addicted."
"Right. It was mutual."
"I still like you a lot. But I can't do a relationship now. Not after Ronnie and Craig."
"I've always liked you so damn much." Max's hand cupped my cheek and he tilted my face towards him. "I was jealous when you were with Craig, because I knew he wasn't good enough. But I shut up about it, because you were happy. Then when you broke up you immediately got with Ronnie. I was happy, because fuck, you guys are perfect for each other. And now... He messed up and hurt you. So you slept over at my apartment and ended up asleep on top of me. And here we are, my hand cupping your cheek, and I want to kiss you so damn bad."
"Then kiss me, Max."
He did. His lips were soft and he was sweet, just like the first time we kissed. He rested his forehead on mine. "I miss you."
"I miss you too."
"I want you to be with me."
"I want to be with you, too."
"We can't." He whispered.
"I know." I paused. "Why'd Ronnie leave me? Am I not good enough?"
"Why would you think that?"
"I don't know, I just... I remembered something."
"What?"

*flashback* *as Ash tells Max*

Ronnie sat on the floor and brought my head on his lap. "Hey, it's okay."
I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood. "I thought I was something."
"You are. You don't need a man's approval to be worth something." He took my wrists in his hands to prevent me from hitting myself or him. Huh, he knew me too well.
"I know, but... He was everything to me. And he just threw that away."
"I know. I'm sorry."
I wiped my tears and sniffed. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to see Ronnie's reaction to what I was about to say next. "What if I'm unlovable? Like, I'm just too fucked up that no one could ever love me?"
Ronnie's grip on my wrists tightened. "What the fuck? Why would you think that?"
"Because I am."
"You're not. Don't ever fucking think that, or say it. It's not true."
"I'm not enough. Why else would Craig cheat on me?"
"Because he's a dick. It's not your fault."
I opened my eyes. "But... I'm not."
"Yes, you are. Any guy would be lucky to have you. They just gotta find you, first."

"Oh, shit." Max said after I told him about that time. "That's..."
"Hypocritical? Stupid? Idiotic?"
"Yeah."
"He's..."
"You can't bring yourself to talk about him like that."
"He's still Ronnie."
"Yeah. He is."
"But... You're Max. We have time, now, we can do stuff."
"I don't want to rush you." Max said.
"You're not."
"I don't want you to rush yourself on my behalf."
"I'm not, don't worry." I reached up and kissed his cheek. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too." He ran his thumb over my lips.
As he looked at my eyes, my phone rang with a text. I grabbed it. "I should respond."
"Yeah."

Jacky: Ronnie cheated on you???? He's a fucking asshole
Me: how'd u know
Jacky: Ronnie told us the whole story, asking for our help
Me: what'd you say
Jacky: we told him to solve his own fucking problems himself, he got himself into his situation, he can get out
Me: yea well go ahead tell the boys it actually happened. have fun :(
Jacky: I'm sorry

I sighed, set my phone down, and rested my head on Max's chest. "Max?"
"Yeah?" He gently ran his fingers through my hair.
"Please don't cheat on me like Craig and Ronnie."
"I won't, baby, I swear." This time, I felt like it was the truth. "I won't let anyone or anything hurt you."
"Promise?"
"I promise." He kissed my forehead. "Yeah, I promise."