Shades Of Gray

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Delilah

I don't want to be here. I want to close my curtains, lock my door and lie in bed–still and silent like the objects in my room. Wallow in the pain of everything.

But I have to be here because my mom said and there's nothing worse than a daughter that doesn't listen to their mother's every command despite their feelings.

So I'm here standing in the front row of the choir and singing because that's what I do... I sing. And singing is my escape, but no matter how loud I sing I'm not going anywhere, I'm still in this living nightmare. Standing in front of my sister's open casket with a body resting that barely looks like her.

I didn't get the chance to say I love her one last time.

This state of numbness was a horrible feeling-the disconnection between my mind, body, and soul. So consumed in sadness that I can no longer feel it holding onto me, but I know it's there.

I miss hearing Alyssa's voice

I miss hearing Alyssa's voice

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her laughter.

I yearn to see her smile and appreciate it's beauty

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I yearn to see her smile and appreciate it's beauty.

I yearn to see her smile and appreciate it's beauty

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