SCENERY / Taejin

22. Kinder To Myself

"Yes!!"
My manager turns around beaming,
"That was the The Pizzazz Table. They want you on their show as the special guest of the new season next week."

I give a small nod unfazed.

"Come on, show a little excitement. This is a huge thing. It's only the number one running talk show right now?? Give me a little credit for doing a good job.." he whines.

"Good job," I reply nonchalantly making my assistant giggle.

"So how about dinner together? My wife went to this really good seafood place. My treat. What do you say?," he turns to me and then to my assistant, both wiggling with excitement. They are a tad too active for me...
or maybe it's me who has gotten so dull.

"Not today. I have plans to be somewhere else."

"There again? There's a lot of pictures fans are uploading of you going there, you know?" his voice quiets down.

"Just drop me off near the intersection,"

My manager sighs rubbing his temples, "You really don't care, do you? You're lucky your fans worship you regardlessly.
Mr.Kang, drive us to the Ossu Seiromushi restaurant. You know the way."

"Yes,sir."

__________

I make my way in the back door of the restaurant and into one of the secluded booths in the corner. The staff, recognizing me gives me a bow and hurries off to get his owner.

Sitting down, I take off my cap and mask breathing in the aroma of the place. It feels nostalgic but it's nowhere near a warm feeling. It only pains me more.
I've been here with the other members a couple of times, with hyung, once or twice but I've been coming here alone almost every week for the last few years now. I still get the same reception everytime- a warm welcome by the owner and staffs, a good plate of food, a few hours of peace and quiet but I never get the answers I really come for. No sign or any information of him.

"I was waiting for my most regular customer and already readied the food," Seok-Joong hyung smiles carrying in a plate of my favourite dish, Japchae.

He sets it down before me and takes the seat opposite mine.

"I did call you to say I was coming,hyung," I reply shyly and take a bite of the glassy noodles. I was grateful because I knew he prepared it for me himself. It wasn't the same but it tasted familiar.

"It tastes so good but you made a huge amount..."

"You keep asking for Japchae in a Japanese cuisine restaurant. I bought a whole box of these noodles for your visits alone. So you better eat up. Besides you look thinner these days. The taste..I don't really know. I tried my best. Jin's the one good with the Korean recipes..," he pauses,
"I'm glad you like it though" he says giving me a small smile.

"Umm.. how's business these days?" I offer to make small talk.

"Pretty slow here..We get a huge party of tourists visiting once in awhile and that makes up for management somehow..The other branches are doing better..so it's all good I guess."

I nod slowly.
The scandal had affected hyung's life in so many forms. I remembered how packed and demanded this place used to be. He was so excited when he finally opened his first two restaurants and how he talked about having the most successful chain of them with his hyung eventually. He had such a strong passion for food and he was only starting to work on them before everything went downhill.

It confused me how people were judging him still. Confused me why kissing or loving someone was deemed so unforgivable just because it happened to be the same sex. It angered me more because the people who keep the hate going on was the people who never supported our group from the start; somehow they've made us their only topic to talk about even if they claimed that they've hated us from Day 1.