The Agony of Wonder

What Did? part 1

I have one question for you? How much did it really mean?

There's this interesting metaphor or figure of speech, water under the bridge.

I guess it's supposed to mean it's insignificant. I don't know why. Why would someone build a bridge if there was no water under it? And then there's burned bridges, meaning you can never make amends with someone, or you could never trust them again. I guess we have both. A burned bridge, with water under it, because nothing will ever undo the pain you've done. It could never go back to normal, how it used to be. But yet, we are so supposed to be over it. It's water under the bridge. It came and went. It's gone and over with now. It happened a long time ago. Just another silly highschool romantic mishap, but if you think about it, a burned bridge can't have water under it. And that's the only reason those two idioms make any sense because they perfectly to apply to our contradicting conundrum. We can pretend that it's just water under a bridge but the second we step into each other's presence, we know there's still something there, something that will always be there no matter how long we try to forget. And the bridge is still burnt, at least for now. Until it could be built back up. The trust between us is so thin, both afraid that we'd end up being exactly how we were again, thus afraid of taking the first steps and reinforcing the cycle of uncertainty. 

I'm starting to wonder if we'll always be one of the broke things that just can't be fixed. It's like we'd both have to change for things to be different and it's also kinda like the things that made us so dysfunctional were the same things that made us so attracted to each other, like we'll always be an ebb and flow of certainty and uncertainty, indifference and infatuation, oscillating into slow insanity, or love. I truly don't know the difference. Cycles, circles, waves, you called them and made a point to say they were still moving forward. Like the same way everything in the universe behaves, oscillating up and down, round and round, yet still hurtling forward at the speed of light, really the speed of everything, We were just like everything else in the universe.

Thinking of it that way made it feel so much more peaceful... and beautiful. But from there a question arises, what is our destination? Well, there are two answers to that question, both of which are logically correct, but perhaps wrong emotionally speaking.

1. Nowhere

2. Somewhere