Breeding For my Brother

FOUR

I was so mentally drained and I'd forgotten completely that the start of senior year was beginning in 5 days. I asked mom if I could go back to school shopping with her and her dull stare in my direction made me think I better go alone. I took my allowance, and my child support from my father and I went to the mall. I bought cute tops, new pants and the works. I got home and excitedly showed mom all my new clothes. She looked angry, "any maternity tops?" She asked. "No, I just got my size." I said nervously.

"Well that's your first mistake. You aren't going to fit in those for very long, you'll probably barely fit in most of these already." She said rolling her eyes. I had to bring half of the clothes back and exchange them for bigger sizes. I had forgotten about gaining weight faster. I already felt huge and I was simply bloated looking. I walked down the hall, it was the night before my first day of school and there was Jason sitting on my bed waiting for me. Mom and John had fallen asleep quickly, I sat beside him.

He rubbed my swollen breasts and kissed me. I smiled at him, "that hurts a lot." I said as he let go of my breast. "I'm sorry." I said quietly. "Don't be, I'm sorry if I'm making you feel miserable. It's hard, Carlin. I don't want to see you upset or for you to feel as though I don't care. I want to make you feel loved and desired. Fuck, I dream about you every night! You're amazing! But I also feel like you're not happy with this." He said as he looked down.

"I am, sometimes. I love being with you, I think I might be in love with you. I really like the thought of being a mom, even though I didn't want to do that just yet. But it's just hard to wrap my head around all of this. I can't be affectionate with you, you won't be able to be in the room when our baby is born. Mom wouldn't go for that and doctors would think it's inappropriate." I said wiping away a tear I'd fought like hell to hold back. "This is just so wrong!" I cried, "but the worst part is it feels so right." I said as I hugged him.

"That's how I feel too. I'm absolutely in love with you, and I'm sorry for ever putting you into my fantasy because now you probably feel trapped in it. Real life is a lot different than making up scenes in my head to get off too. I think I did too much damage here." He said as he tucked my hair behind my ear. "I don't think it's that bad. I think I'll be okay. It's just going to take some time." I said with a small smile. We talked for a little while longer before Jason decided I looked like a zombie in need of some rest.

Waking up that morning for school felt impossible. I was so tired and so sore. I didn't want to get up and I couldn't care less about how I looked. Mom made a big deal though, a big breakfast, she had bought me some makeup, and she even went out on her own and picked out some actually not half bad clothes for me. I asked her about it later on and she said she was feeling rather guilty for ignoring me for days. She was finally coming to terms with her pregnant, failure daughter. I ended up trying to look decent, more for my mothers sake than my own. I curled my hair into some luscious beach waves, I did some light but tasteful makeup, and wore a pretty floral dress, it had beautiful flare in the bottom that distracted from my small but growing belly.

I opted for flats instead of wedges, my feet hurt constantly as it was. I walked into school feeling very anxious. My mom had made me bring extra lunch money so I could get more to eat if I was still hungry and she went all out with making sure I had change for the vending machines. I sat down for first period History and felt myself begin to fall asleep already. God I hated school, I didn't miss it. But I never had felt so tired at school before. I never got in trouble before, I never half assed anything, I never lost focus. 

Now I was falling asleep on my desk, being woken up and yelled at wasn't exactly a good way to start off the year. A fact that Mr. Howard reminded me about seven times. I got detention. Telling my mom that felt even harder than telling her I was pregnant. That was awful! I worked hard to stay awake and stay focused all day and when I got home I took a nice long nap.

I couldn't believe how differently I was starting to feel. All I knew was that I was tired all the time and my weight gain was becoming far more rapid than it had been. Each day I felt bigger, sleepier and moodier. I wondered why Jason even wanted this. Jason reminded me of why every single night but each day it came to mind again. Why is this attractive to him?! I loved how attentive Jason was to me, and every want and need. Sexual or otherwise I was well taken care of by him. If I craved something he'd find an excuse to John or my mom to run out and grab it.

My mom had even made note of how close Jason and I had become. Which I didn't mind as she was genuinely clueless. She thought it was so sweet how much he already loved his new niece or nephew. I thought it was funny how much they seemed to now adore him for it. We found out the baby was going to be a girl and even more shocking, we found out that the first appointment I had that one baby was hiding behind the other, and so was the other. Yep, that's right I was carrying triplets! And crazy enough each one was a girl. I was so scared and confused.

After getting home from that appointment I broke the news to a not so shocked Jason who played it off as my size being the reason he wasn't surprised. I felt something was being hidden from me. I let it go for the time being.