Writing practice

Entry 1

Hey guys, todays entry is less of a freewrite and more of a letter to my future self.

Less of a story and more of a lesson.

Please be respectful of my thoughts.

Dear future self,
Not that long a ago I learned a valuable lesson, and as cheesy as it is, it was about love, and relationships. I admit now that the person I have true feelings for is Connor. Now as you read this you might not know who Connor is... but I hope that there is some memory left behind. Ive spent a while being indecisive about relationships and that had led to some depression and uncertainty. Although as of now I feel that I understand why. Im scared to commit to something that im afraid to back out of. I do to much hoping for a good future and less thinking of my present situation. I am in a relationship now as I write this, and I honestly prefer being single. Its the freedom I miss... Being able to flirt with whomever (:P), not have to feel like I have to constantly please someone. I now know that I'm not ready to date, or be in a relationship whatsoever.

I have always thought that I would find the perfect person, but I think I already have... he has the most beautiful brown-green eyes that make you just want to stare at them for forever... he has the funniest laugh that can't help but put a smile on your face, when he makes fun of you he looks you in the eye and smiles, he "nonchalant" picks you up when you try to punch him or kick him. When you dance with him, he looks off and thinks. He does everything he can to make me absolutely and completely jealous of the hundreds of girls who like him.

He may be known as a player.. he may be two years younger than me.... my dad may hate his very existence. And he may be the little boy that smiled when you carved your initials in a tree. Or the jerk that pushed you off a tire sandbox just to help you up afterwards. Or the boy who constantly compares your height because hes finaly taller than you... the boy who you danced with to ever song when you "dated". And the boy who walked around with spurs on his tennis-shoes.

I may remember every single moment I have been with him, or every moment I was heartbroken near him. Like when he found interest in a new girl and openly flirted with them in front of you, and then you sat in the same old tree and scratched out your initials.... or when he asked for advice about how to ask out your best friend and you cried in the closet....

Yeah. Ive liked him since 7 years old. Im currently 15, and I want him to like me back more than anything.

I thought that in a relationship you should know everything about the other person. But thats not true. I dont know Connor's favorite color. But I do know that his voice gets higher pitched when he starts to lie. Ive known him for an extremely long time, but im not interested in what his favorite song is. Maybe I will someday. But as of now, all I want is him to acknowledge that I like him. And trust me he knows.

I feel like knowing someone by their preferences is more of a basic friendship than a relationship, rather than knowing someone by their selves (that makes no sence but you get the idea)

It probably sounds like Connor returns my feelings. But I want him to tell me to my face, I want him to feel the same way I do. The same longing to be with him every second...

Maybe im just nieve. Or maybe im obssessive? All I know is that I'd wait till the end of time for Connor. Maybe he'll ignore me and dance with 15 girls after he said no too you twice. Oh well, at least I'll always have my best friend Evee to drag me out of my closet and stop my crying by joking and eating an "organic brownie" (inside joke)

This is my lesson that Ive learned. I may not be the smartest, I may be bipolar, or like someone cause their mean to me (not like... abusive...) but maybe my future self has learned from this. Or maybe even you, a reader, has taken some of my advice to help themselves. Btw im a capricorn. (I've been relying on zodiac signs to much in relationships too)

June 2019,
~Laine
(Have confidence no matter what)
1 ->🍦 if you can guess his zodiac sign :P