South Park x Male Reader Oneshots

blushin'((Cartman))

Soft Cartman:)

Do you know who Eric Cartman is?
The biggest asshole in school.
Do you know who your loving boyfriend is?

The biggest asshole in school.

You and Eric have been secretly dating for a while now, and you couldn't wish for a more perfect relationship.

Let me take you back to where this started...
ー

You're chilling in class, feeling like time is frozen.
Apparently you've only been in class for about 20 minutes, when it felt like 4 hours.
There was some gay movie playing about war, which only eggheads Wendy Testaburger and Kyle Broflovski payed attention to.

You needed some type of entertainment, so you grogily turned around to face your new found best friend, Eric.

He seemed oddly attracted to you when you first met last month after moving here. Everyone was disturbed at how much you two got along and how nice he was to you, given than you're a nice decent guy too, so everyone was mystified on how you two clicked so well.

Eric had his arms crossed on the table, and he looked as if he was about to pass out any moment now.

You shook his arm and he tiredly looked up at you, humming in response.

"Dude, let's do something! I'm so bored."

You whispered to him, he straightened his back and inched closer to your ear.

"Wanna ditch? Pyro style."

You smirked at him and he gave a playful grin back.

Has he been a bad influence on you? Maybe.
'Pyro style' was code for setting the fire alarm off and running away, you've done this 2 times last month, but Cartman took the blame twice.

You felt bad but thankful at first, then you found out he always had a blast ticking off mister Mackey in detention.

You poke him

"Hey, don't take the full blame this time, you promised! I wanna fool around in detention with you this time!"

You both lowly giggle, and you saw a light dust of pink emerge on his cheeks.
He's always adorable when he blushes, but everyone else thinks he's a mischievous brat.
Which is definitely not true, he just acts this way because of how he was raised.
...I think.

He's actually an emotional and sensitive guy, that just can't convey his feelings well, okay?

He opened up to you about it a week ago, and you were really glad he shared something so private with you.

Coming back to reality, you watched him sneakily pull out a small wooden slingshot from his backpack.

You nodded at him and reached into your bag to grab a lighter.

You saw from the side of your eye Kyle watching you two scheming.
He just sighed and put his head on the desk, waiting for you two to get this over with.
There was no point in stopping you, Garrison has been sleeping carelessly since the start of class.

Eric nudged you.

"You ready?"

You grin and nod.

He smiled back and gave you the slingshot. Of course you handled the throwing, you did archery back in your town, so your aim was extraordinary.

You pressed down the lighter's button and pulled out a highly flamable ball from your pocket(you kept it there for these occasions, you don't know when you're gonna be watching some gay ass documentary in class).