His ghost our reason

Ch.6

Leo POV
I snapped at Raph.
Me Leo snapped again.
I am such a pain to deal with.
These thoughts ran through my head every time I yelled at Raph. I started to believe at one point I would never be calm again. I had ruined the safety of home. That was until Donnie helped me.
I made a deal with him that if he would let me talk to him about all my emotions. I would be his test subject if he ever needed. Funny thing though is he hasn't needed to test anything.
I sure as heck needed to vent though and he listened even if it killed him.
"Donnie open up." I said as I knocked again finding it odd he didn't open up at first
"In a minute." He responded as I heard some muffled words and scattering coming from inside
"Donnie, I need to talk." I said and I could almost hear the eye roll on the other side of the door
"Leo what's new I said give me a minute your so impatient." He said and it hurt me a bit as Raph quietly walked up to me
"You know Leo I could talk with you I'm good at listening." He said with some compassion in his voice
"Raph, I ... well," I was lost for what to say I usually talk to Donnie about Raph but Raph was right there so I could talk to Raph about Raph I guess, but could I get the words out "look I just.... I'm a jerk." I said as Raph put his hand on my shoulder
"Been there big brother. It's called hot head issues. Wanna talk some more?" Raph asked and I nodded walking over to the couch
We sat and talked for hours. We laughed a bit but I still didn't tell him everything. Maybe we were starting to pice back together all the wounds that had been sliced deep in our skin. Maybe I was just fooling myself into think I could be a better big brother. I'm the worst I could never fix what I had done. I could never fix what I have become.
Yet there was still this deep hope in my soul that maybe one day I could be good again. No, I could never over shadowed that hope though. I let Mikey down. I wish he were here right now so I could have some random laugh.
This is what loss does it takes and it takes until you snap. Yet, I'm starting to be okay talking to my brothers. It's just Mikey was my go to joke buddy.
"Hey, Leo." Raph said breaking me from my thoughts
"Yeah." I said out of it flat back
"You'll always be my big brother, you'll always be someone I look up too, and no matter what you do I will always love you." Raph said as if he knew what I was thinking
I'm not the worst if Raph thinks I'm okay. Maybe I can fix my mistakes. I would have to try.
It was at that moment that Donnie came out of his lab with a happy look in his eyes, but also a confused look.
"Guys there's something you won't believe but I have to tell you." He said as we looked behind him and a young turtle came out
"Mikey." I said stunned and confused as Raph made a shocked noise moving his hand to his mouth