A Thousand Years- Snowbarry Soulmate AU

Chapter 3

As time drifted by, Barry found himself more and more distracted. The idea of Caitlin was becoming more and more potent- she was in his thoughts at every turn, he couldn't stop thinking about her or wanting to be near her. He found her even more beautiful than before, his mark tingling whenever she passed by, dreams about her kiss at night... or at least what he imagined it would be like. The things he would say to her if he ever got the chance and what she would say back.

She was too much for him to handle and it was getting difficult to contain. He wanted to go to her, to pour out his heart and tell her all that he had learnt about his feelings for her. But he hadn't the courage nor the conviction to approach her. Though he was drawn to her, whenever she was nearby his eyes drifted to her without him even wanting to. He tried to fight his feelings and push them down but he had no control over himself anymore. 

At night when he tried desperately to sleep, he wondered what she was doing at that very moment. What she looked like, how she was feeling and what she was thinking about. Sometimes when he really focussed, he could almost see her in front of him in his mind's eye. He could even feel a flicker of her emotions, not thoughts just yet but flashes of feeling. Then there was that one incident... He was having a horrible day, it was raining and his car had broken down so he had to wait in the rain for an hour for the breakdown service to come then walk the rest of the way to school. 

But when he arrived late to his Soulmate Science class, a class that he'd been paying attention in even more intently now, soaked through, he saw her face. He couldn't even comprehend the way his anger and misery faded with just one look. With all he knew about soulmates, he never knew it would feel quite like this, he'd never imagined that someone could feel this way for another person. So strongly, passionately and madly. That power was something that even he could never even begin to understand.

Barry was in love, he knew it now. Not that he had a lot of choice in the matter. Caitlin had bewitched him, taken over his heart and mind. His feelings for her transcended all logic and all attempts to stifle them. He loved her with all he had inside him.

He imagined this had something to do with his marks before but once he had hit the books and done some research he realised that these kinds of things only happen to bonded soulmates. His worries about being unrequited just got worse and worse after discovering this fact... It was already incredibly rare for unrequited soulmates, let alone an unrequited soulmate that had something bonded himself to her without even speaking to her. 

He knew that it was possible. Barry knew that bonding could happen one way even in requited soulmates. That one can bond first then the other later depending on circumstance. If he was truly unrequited then he could bond himself to her without her even knowing him and without him being her soulmate. It was all possible but... Well, if Barry truly is unrequited and Caitlin will never love him back and he has bonded himself somehow to her... the likelihood of... of his death will not only be much more likely- almost certain- but also much swifter. The pain... it would be excruciating.

He could still barely believe this was happening to him. That he... that he wanted her, loved and adored her but she would never- could never- love him back. It hurt him more than he could say and he didn't even know for sure yet... the very idea of it created a pain so intense in his chest that he couldn't stand whenever he thought of it. It wasn't just emotional... it was beginning to get physical now too. 

He had to tell someone... but who? He had no one that he trusted enough with this and how could he admit his fears. The shame- the shame- of knowing that he was broken... that he might be one of The Evergreen's mistakes. He could only turn to his parents but how could they look at him knowing that their son was not like everyone else... Or at very least that he might not be. 

But Barry knew that he couldn't sit on this forever, he had to tell someone before he explodes. He couldn't handle the pain of keeping it locked up inside anymore, someone had to know before he loses his mind completely. 

So on a rainy Saturday night after a quiet dinner, he decided it was time to come clean. He knew that his parents suspected something was wrong- call it parental intuition... or maybe it was soulmate intuition. Either way, they had been concerned but hadn't said anything yet. Clearly, they knew that it would be best to wait until he comes to them first. 

"Mom, dad, there's something I want to tell you... something I have to tell you" Barry piped up nervously after a short silence at the dinner table. 

"What is it, darling? Is it school?" his mother asked with a comforting smile.

When he was younger, that smile would be more than enough to soothe him. But not today... soulmate heartbreak seems to trump parental love.

"No... well, in a way. I... I know who my soulmate is... she's a student as well... in my Soulmate Science class" he replied quietly.

"That's wonderful, dear!" 

"No... I'm not sure it is" he shook his head, his eyes stuck on the pattern on the dinner table cloth- he couldn't even bring himself to look them in the eye. 

"What do you mean, son?" his father asked him, looking quite concerned now alongside with his wife at their son's miserable expression. They both knew how much Barry had been looking forward to meeting his soulmate so seeing him so upset raised immediate alarm bells. 

"I... I don't think that she loves me back... well, I don't think that she can..." he breathed out slowly, his voice breaking as he said it out loud for the first time. 

"What makes you think that? Have you spoken to her?" his mother asked, placing her hand on his.

"She doesn't even know I exist let alone my name. I've had a crush on her ever since I first saw her but I only found out she was my soulmate the other day. See, she's a skeptic and she normally covers her marks. I saw her ID mark but not her soulmate mark. She has no idea... She has a boyfriend and she loves him and... and I think I'm bonding to her. I've fallen in love with her and I don't know what to do... I'm terrified that I'm unrequited even though I don't know for sure... I really think I am..." his face crumpled as his mother pulled him in for an embrace.

"Shhh, it's going to be okay..." she hushed.

"You don't know that... there's no way you can know that..."

By Monday, he had talked everything through with his parents enough to feel a little less petrified. Though he didn't really feel much better. They'd tried to push him into speaking to her, to finding out for sure but they didn't understand. He couldn't... there was no way Barry could speak to her.

Every day that passed, he felt himself losing more and more of himself to her. He was hopelessly in love with her now and the bonding symptoms were becoming more and more intense. Nothing proved that to him more than what he saw when he arrived at the college campus that morning. 

There she was, beautiful and lovely as ever, happily perched on the hood of her car beside Ronnie as they kissed. His arms wrapped around her as she giggled in between kisses. She looked so innocent and gentle like that... nothing like the bite that she had during their single class together. She looked so happy... so in love with him. 

The sight felt like a knife to the gut over and over, the blade twisting and twisting inside Barry the longer he looked. Nothing could calm him... he felt the misery and heartbreak completely engulf him. That was his soulmate... he was meant for her, created to be with her. He'd give anything to be with her... Yet his love went unnoticed. He could adore her and dote on her all his wished but it wouldn't change anything. 

He'd never felt more hopeless than he did then. What could he do to make her feel that way for him instead of Ronnie? Nothing. The case of him being unrequited was really beginning to stack up against him. Was there no hope for him at all?