The Real Housewives of Olympus

Episode 1: The One Where Zeus Applies For The Bachelor

"Next!" called an impatient voice from the next room over. Zeus looked at the card they had given him. It read The Bachelor, #15 in large, gilded letters. The number on the monitor hanging from the ceiling also said 15, so he stood up from the uncomfortable wooden waiting room bench and strode confidently toward the open door.

He hadn't been entirely sure how to dress for his audition, but he was fairly certain it wouldn't matter--how could they turn down a god as the next Bachelor? Even so, he tried to match the clothes of previous Bachelors: tailored suit, neutral tie, matching shoes, that comb-over hairstyle that was so popular right now. He'd also "borrowed" Aphrodite's girdle--he knew she wasn't going out clubbing in the next few nights, so he doubted she'd miss it. He'd had to assume the shape of a mortal, but there was still an oddly ethereal glow about him.

As he reached the door, a security guard stopped him. "You can go in," he said, "but they're going to have to wait outside." He motioned to the camera crew trailing Zeus. Zeus turned around and smiled apologetically. "Sorry guys, it looks like it's just me." The cameraman and boom operator sulked back to their seats, whispering about "good footage lost" and "the point of a reality show."

Zeus stepped into the room. It was wide and open, with a high ceiling and hot spotlights hanging from a beam in front of a small stage. Across from the stage was a long table, behind which sat three tired-looking producers and a camera operator with a steadicam on his shoulder. Zeus wondered if he knew the camera operator for Olympus.

"All right, please step onto the stage," the producer in the middle said mechanically. "Tell us your full name."

"Z."

"Just Z?" questioned the producer, looking at Zeus. "You don't have a last name?"

"I, uh, don't. My parents didn't want me to have one," said Zeus, inventing wildly. He didn't think it was a good idea to tell them he was a god, and besides, they probably wouldn't believe him anyway.

The middle producer raised an eyebrow and leaned towards the man on his left. "Oh good, a weird family background. Maybe we can spin that into a sad backstory," he muttered out of the side of his mouth, looking Zeus up and down as he spoke.

"So," he said more loudly, directing his attention to the stage. "Why should you be the next Bachelor?"

"Well," said Zeus, "because of this."

He struck a thoughtful pose and let a little more of his godly glow come through. His jaw tightened, his muscles took shape, and his wavy blond hair gleamed underneath the hot stage lights. He could feel Aphrodite's girdle working its magic as he saw the producers' jaws drop. The cameraman looked out from behind his camera with a confused expression, as though wondering why his camera was causing this candidate to glow.

After a good ten seconds of silence, the middle producer cried, "With looks like these, he doesn't even need a personality! You're cast, Z!" Zeus reduced his glow and gave a gentle smile, flashing his incredibly white teeth as the producer ran up to shake his hand.

"We'll send you more information soon, sir. We're going to need to start production materials as soon as possible. Joe, go dismiss the others," the producer said in a rush. Joe got up from the desk and stuck his head out the door, calling to the other hopefuls, "Sorry mates, we've found the one." Zeus could hear groans and angry shouts as the security guard tried to calm the crowd.

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Zeus looked around impatiently as the sun set behind the mansion. There were crew members running all around, producers looking frazzled and cameramen looking bored. Every once in a while, someone would stride up to Zeus and run a comb through his hair or pat a little more makeup onto his chin, but by and large, everyone was ignoring him. He wasn't used to being ignored.