Friday Night Dinner

The Sofabed (S1:E1)

"For someone doesn't stop going on about formula one, you're surprisingly shit at driving."
"Oh ha ha,"
"Seriously, like no control of the vehicle."
"Well you can drive next time."
"Fine and you can learn from the master." Adam smugly said.
"Master knobface?"
Asher rolled her eyes as she stepped onto the Goodman drive.
"Fighting again shitheads?"
"Hear something Adam?" Jonny asked sarcastically looking round the drive.
"Hmmm I heard something. Not sure what."
Jonny and Adam paced around the drive until they both bumped into Asher.
"Oh ha ha very funny boys."
Asher went to press the doorbell when she realised the door was already open.
"Uh why's the door open?"
They all exchanged confused looks, Jonny leaned across and pushed open the door. The trio were met by a panting German Shepard crouched on the carpet.
"Ummmm-"
Adam was cut off by the toilet flushing in the downstairs bathroom. A stocky, ageing man with greasy grey hair in a middle parting stepped out of the loo and jumped slightly when he saw the three people in front of him.
"Oh, hello"
"Um... hi Jim." Adam started.
"Jonny?"
"No, it's Adam."
"I'm Jonny,"
"And Ashley?" Jim asked.
"It's Asher." She smiled.
"Oh yes." Jim said looking down, but spotted his dog and jumped with fright.
"Brilliant." Jonny muttered. Asher gave him a hard kick in the shin.
"Why are you?" Asher asked, gesturing to the door with her slender hand.
"Hmmm?"
"Nothing."
Jim then awkwardly grabbed Wilson's lead, dragging him out of the Goodman house with mutters of "good boy Wilson, go on!"
The trio walked through into the entrance of the garage.
"Hi mum."
"Hi Aunty Jack."
"Hi boys, hello Ash."
"What you doing in the garage?" Jonny asked.
"Having a clear out," Jackie said with a shrug.
"Don't you mean what's Jim doing in our loo?" asked Adam.
Jackie tutted, "Martin, you do know the boys and Ash are here? Say hello!"
"What?" Asked Martin, clueless as usual, adjusting his hearing aid, "Oh, hello, bambinos."
"No top tonight Martin?" Asher said and the boys laughed along with her.
"He's boiling-"
"I'm boiling."
"And Jim's using the toilet because..." Asher started.
"His is broken"
"Broken?" Jonny asked.
"Yes, broken." Jackie rolled her eyes and tutted. "No, there." She instructed Martin.
"So why's he using ours, how did he break his?"
"How would I know? He asked to use it so we let him, what else could I say?"
"No," Adam started.
"Use a bucket?" Jonny started.
"Use Wilson's potty?" Asher suggested.
"This aswell?" Started Martin, moving the discussion along.
"Yes all of it. Then your doing the sofa bed."
"Ugh! Your mother wants me to chuck away all my copies of the New Scientist magazines, can you believe it?" Martin complained.
"Yes?" Adam said.
"Thank you Adam!"
"What do you mean "yes"!"
"You don't even read them to be fair Martin, why do you keep all of this crap?"
"It's not crap. I wish you'd stop calling it crap. They're collectibles. Look Jonny, Asher this one is from 1969, and there's a poster of Isaac Newton."
"Lovely dad."
"Now he was a genius." Asher said, with a hint of well disguised sarcasm.
"Well tomorrow you're taking them all to the dump." Jackie said leaving the room.
Martin tutted and held up the poster. "Newton."
"Crap."
"Crap."
"Crap."

*

The Goodmans and Asher were gathered in the kitchen, Asher and Jonny sitting on the counter, with Asher's head on Jonny's shoulder as she read the newspaper he had in his hands. Adam was leaning on the counter and Jackie was preparing dinner, Martin was lurking suspiciously near the bin.
"Martin have you done the sofabed yet?" Jackie pried.
"What? Oh, no. I'll do it later." He said, with a mouthful of toast (courtesy of the bin).
"Well, I wanted it done!"
"The mans coming tomorrow, I have time!"
Asher shook her head at the couples antics and carried on reading the newspaper that Jonny was holding.
"What man?" Jonny asked.
"The sofabed man," Jackie started, "Martin, stop eating from the bin! I've told you!"
He shrugged and continued.
"Shit my vegetables," Jackie said, "Ash what's the time?"
"20 past" she replied, reaching into the fridge and grabbing the can of whipped cream, putting some in her mouth, and when Jonny asked for some, put a large dollop on his nose.
"Your mothers very excited," Martin started.
"How come?" asked Adam.
"It's the final of Master Chef," Jackie explained.
"It's the final of Master Chef," Martin re-enforced.
"Is there an echo?" Asher asked sarcastically.
"Oh, there is a smashing Greek guy in the final, me and Val love him!"
"Really?" Jonny sarcastically asked, grabbing the can of cream off a now moody Asher, plopping some onto her nose.
"Yeah, oh, he's got such a terrific bum!"
"Mum!" Adam scolded.
"She's not going on about that Greek fellas arse again is she?"
"Well guys, you'll watch Master Chef with me won't you?"
"Um watch people cooking, no thanks" Jonny said jumping off the counter-top dragging Asher with him.
"Please, for me! I only get to see you once a week!" Jackie begged.
"No!"
"You will won't you Ash?"
"I think about it, Aunty Jack." she laughed, standing next to Adam. He took a piece of bread that had been covered with whipped cream thanks to Jonny and slapped it on her hand that was resting on the table. She wasn't happy.
"Martin speak to the boys,"
"What about?"
"Master Chef!"
"Well, MasterChef it's a cookery programme on the BBC, it's like a big competition-"
The trio exchanged confused looks.
"No not generally! Tell them!"
"Hmm?"
"About watching it with me!"
"Oh, your mum wants you to watch it."
"We know."
"Will you?"
"No" the boys replied in unison.
"Well I tried."
"Ugh I wish I had girls,"
"Lucky I live next door then Jackie,"
"Yeah, my adopted daughter."
"Aren't I amazing!" Asher said, elegantly striding towards the exit.
"Yeah imagine having a shithead as an adopted daughter." Adam sarcastically said flicking her on the head, followed by Jonny as the trio walked out of the kitchen.