Leave Me Wanting More- Dansby Swanson

Chapter 19- Dear Younger Me

Chapter 19- Dansby-

"Dear younger me, where do I start?  If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far, then you could be one step ahead, Of all the painful memories still running through my head, I wonder how much different things would be, Dear Younger Me.  Dear Younger Me, I can not decide, Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life, Or do I go deep and try to change the choices that you'll make cause they're choices that made me.  Even though I love this crazy life, Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride, Dear Younger Me.  If I knew then what I know now, Condemnation would've had no power, My joy, my pain would've never been my worth, If I knew then what I know now, Would've not been hard to figure out, What I would've changed if I had heard, Dear Younger Me, It's not your fault.  You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross."  Dear Younger Me-MercyMe

"Dansby, that you?"  I glanced up and see Michael's mom in the yard, dragging small limbs around to the back yard.  A task Michael and I did for her each year since we convinced her at 8 that we weren't too little to handle such a big job. 

A peaceful smile rests on her face, she's slightly red in her cheeks from the cold, but she appears content.  I realize she's spoken to me and I haven't returned the greeting.  I step up onto her green grass and slowly walk towards her.  My face must show the inner turmoil I feel because her peaceful smile falters slightly. 

"Hi, Mrs. Patterson.  How are you?"  I seize the opportunity that is in front of me.  "Let me take those."  I grab the limbs before she can protest. 

"Okay."  She follows me and indicates the pile she wants them placed on.  I stack them as neatly as I can. 

"You have more?"  I try for a smile.  It must work because she returns it with one of her own. 

"Sure, come on."  She turns back toward the side yard and we both grab a few limbs to drag.  "You and Michael always were so proud of yourselves when you did this for me."  Her smile speaks of the peaceful memory of years ago, it's kind and serene.  "I probably should have the landscaper take out these old Boxwoods and replace them with something that blooms."  She murmurs as she grabs her limbs. 

"What, no, how will the kids play hide and seek if these things are gone?  They won't be able to burrow into them then."  I insist. 

"Dansby, all the kids are grown now, no body plays outside anymore.  The new kids in this neighborhood all stay inside and play on their iPads, now."  I glance around and realize that with all the yards full of all sorts of kids toys, not a single one actually has a child in them, playing with the toys.

"Huh, yeah, looks like you might be right."  We both chuckle, but continue to work side by side until all her limbs are carried around back.  The silence is peaceful and I don't struggle to find the words to fill it, neither does she. 

"Come on, I just made some cookies and I have a new gallon of milk."  She tilts her head towards the back door.  She knows almost as well as my own mother that cookies and milk are my weakness. 

"Now you're talking my language, lead on."  The house looks the same, no significant changes since the last time I was here.  It does smell totally different though, like homemade chocolate chip cookies.  I see two plate fulls cooling on the counter, Mrs. Patterson's always were just a tiny bit better than any other homemade chocolate chip cookie I had ever put in my mouth. 

She grabs a small plate and fills it full of cookies, then pours a full glass of milk for me. 

"Thanks, these smell great, and look even better."  I bite one almost in half.  "Wow, these are fantastic, I almost forgot how good."  My momma would smack my if she saw me talking with my mouth full.  Mrs. Patterson just smiles and pats my hand.  She gives me a few moments of silence to eat cookies before she speaks again.