Cursed, Charmed, and Uninsured

The Black Smudge of Doom

Kay's potato chips were gone, and her slightly manic college roomie hacked her ex's media accounts. She had no mental capacity to lie now.

"The Chevy," she said.

Jess paused mid-crunch. "That was an invitation, Noodle-head, not a question."

Kay fidgeted as seven cups of coffee bum rushed her bladder. "You said you just moved. I didn't want to impose."

"How dare you imply your presence be anything other than necessary," said Jess. "Now, if you're done moping into the city's shittiest cup of coffee-"

"Don't dis Flo's flow of Joe," said Kay.

"Grab your keys, and I shall open my couch cushions to your skinny butt." Jess frowned as she glanced Kay up and down. "Girl, you do need to eat more."

"Well, someone ate all my damn chips."

"No matter!" Jess raised a hand. "There will be chips on tap from this day forth."

"Am I following you there?"

"Please, have you seen the city traffic. I took a bus here. Public transport for the win. Reduce my carbon footprint and all that jazz."

"You could take the bus home."

"Have you smelled the bus? One trip in a cloud of B.O. and Axe body spray is enough for today, thank you." Jess rummaged through the burlap sack of a purse and slapped a twenty on the table. Kay didn't bother to point out the waitress already picked up her bill. Daphne was open enough to the universe for some insta-karma.

Speaking of which, grateful as she was to Jess for dishing a dollop of digital annoyance on the Jerk, Kay still had to live with the fallout. She dreaded her inbox when she managed to charge her phone.

"Come! Let's away to our noble steed." Jess jumped up from the booth, her arms spread wide. Kay had to admit she missed the dramatic flair. Over the past three years, the Jerk slowly wore the flair out of her with snide comments about her maturity and acting her age, until she no longer talked with her hands or quoted lines from the Princess Bride when the situation called for it. That small epiphany hit her hard, riding on the coattails of another pressing bodily function.

"Fine, but first, I need to use the bathroom or I'll pee my pants on the first pothole."

The porcelain hiatus gave her time to think. Jess's arrival was a moment of serendipity, one Kay honestly didn't deserve after the way she closed her friends out of her life while caught up in the Jerk. She was in the precarious position of needing a helping hand, and Jess was one of the few people in her life who wouldn't slap her across the face with it. Her friend's easy forgiveness was enough to make her eyes fill.

Maybe, after the free fall plunge of ill fortunes yesterday, the scales were tipping back in her favor.

She found Jess chatting with Daphne when she returned. The waitress appeared fully engaged with whatever story her friend was spinning. Kay caught the tail end of it as she arrived.

"So then, Kay shows up in this adorable sushi roll costume, where she filled these water balloons to look like salmon roe," said Jess. "Except they were filled with vodka."

Kay slapped a hand over the woman's mouth and turned to the waitress. "Thank you for the meal Daphne. Have a wonderful day." She swore she heard the waitress cackling as she left. Kay yanked her hand back as Jess licked her palm.

"Ew, you taste like cheap soap," said Jess, crinkling her nose.

"You're lucky I washed my hands," said Kay.