Chapter 51 - Normani's Last Letter

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Dear Camila Cabello,

I’m still scared… show me I don’t have to be scared anymore…

-

It’s funny because I suppose I had just decided I wanted a divorce when our darling daughter came to me. And once it came up I still can’t get it out of my head, Crystal, our beautiful first born asked me today why she had three mommies and no daddies and I didn’t really know how to answer her.  I told her she had three mommies because we all love each other very much and we couldn’t live without each other just like how people with one mommy and one daddy do. She had agreed to it easily but I was still shaken up.

I said she had three mommies because we all love each other; we can’t live without each other.

It had come out of my mouth so easily, like; I didn’t even have to think about it. But do you know what was hard to come out of my mouth?

“I want a divorce,”

And it wasn’t like I was actually saying it to you, or Lauren, but I was saying it to myself and it hurt like hell.

And I guess I can tell you why.

My heart still skips a beat when I see you.  I love how young you look in your eyes and your nature and your soul. I love the way you take care of me when I have my ups and downs. I love the way you look at Jared and the way you say he looks like me. I remember the way you would touch my pregnant belly and kiss it because not only were we having a baby again but we were having twins. I have never seen your smile so wide and so in awe of it all. I love the way you hold Scott and you play with his curls and you always try to brush them even though he screams and cries but doesn’t when I do it. I always tell you Scott is tender headed, be more careful and you will pout at me and tell me you don’t understand.

I love that you still make us do movie nights on Fridays and we actually have the ability to send the kids away to spend time with one of their three grandma’s or pa’s. I love that you keep us grounded. You always find a way to keep Lauren and I smiling and not only us. I think you are the only one out of the three of us who can actually stop the kids from crying when they scrape their knee. Usually I just let them cry it out. But you can make them laugh and smile and make them feel like everything is going to be okay. And when you said to Jared that you had the ability to heal him and even though he is still only just a baby he looked at you like he understood every word and believe it.

I fucking love you Karla Camila Cabello but you did some pretty bad shit. I love you even though you have all of your shitty ways and it’s possibly you have brainwashed me but I don’t care.

And by the way you should thank our daughter for this, because I wouldn’t have stayed if she didn’t ask me why she had different parents from some of the other girls she knew in class.

Our little Crystal means everything to me.

I can’t believe the amazing life we have: Lauren, you, me, Jared, Crystal, and Scott.

I cannot wait to see them grow up and have you and Lauren both by my side us all be together when we’re old and grey. I can picture it already.

Did you know that Crystal speaks better Spanish than English? I don’t really think you have since you don’t really talk to our kids anymore you just give them these extra-long hugs like you’re never going to see them again, baby… your scaring them. I know you don’t want to lose our kids and I know you don’t want to lose me.

You will not lose our kids.

You are not losing me.

Just come find me when you can.

I love you.

Come get me back. 

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