"At 46 years old I never thought I would be starting motherhood all over again"That's what my mother said to people all the time.When I was about three months she took me in to her home to raise me because my birth mother was incapable of doing just that.I share so many amazing memories with this beautiful women I used to think she was a God because how she nurtured me.When I was a baby she was in the living room talking to her sister and I kept padding on her leg to get her attention and out of nowhere I started calling her "Nuk-Nuk" and every since then that's what I called her.
My childhood was the best because we would always go on long rides together and have picnics it was so fun.I remember when We used to drive to Virginia Beach and she would buy me funnel cake and we would walk on the boardwalk.She often would say I have a old soul because of how much we would listen to songs from back in the day because that's what she grew up on.The song that was our song was broken hearted melody by Sara Vaughn every time we go in the car I would tell her to play that song repeatedly and we bonded.
l miss when she used to fix my favorite dinner Fried chicken,rice a roni,and string beans w/ butter.Thinking about those things helps me cope with her passing away and yes I still do cry about it sometimes because she was my everything in life.We used to lay in bed and watch golden girls and laugh because that was one of my favorite shows.I remember when she would wake me up at 6:15am so we could watch the tv show married with children and she would make me a bowl of cream of wheat tbh she spoiled me rotten and I never wanted for anything as a child.She was a example of how every mother should be and she helped me view how powerful a woman can be.
Sometimes She would drop me off at her mother's house and she said I would cry until she came to pick me up because I was attached to her and everywhere she went I was with her even her own doctors appointments.I used to Hate going with her to see Dr.Jackson because it always took so long for her to be seen by him because it was so crowded in there all the time.I used be obsessed with drinking milk and sometimes would have to have it in order to go to sleep at night and idek why I just brought that up but ok.Her family never treated me differently from anybody else , they treated me as if I was blood because that's how they were raised to be.I enjoyed the holidays with her making cookies and milk for Santa it was One of the best times of the year.
My favorite Christmas was the Christmas of 2008 because I got everything I could imagine and had gifts stacked up on the side of the wall that was so amazing. All she ever had for me was love and that was all I needed as a child because My birth mother thought that buying me stuff made me happy and it didn't at all.Our favorite place to eat for my birthday was red lobster she would always take me there at the most random times but I appreciate everything that she did for me.Her not being her with me right now is so heartbreaking and emotional that I would do anything to have her back for just one day because she seems to understand me very well.
I honestly didn't think I could keep breathing and living without her here with me to share more amazing experiences and laughs together.I have never known anyone in life That could make me believe they were a god and provide nourishment to my soul.Nuk-Nuk was my mother and nobody could ever tell me different because She fits the description of what I believe a mother is and I miss her.I miss her calling me to see what I'm doing, I miss her overprotective ways when it came to be,I miss her calling my name,I miss Her hugs and kisses that I would always get,I miss her cooking in the kitchen while on the phone,I miss her picking me up from school everyday and I miss her presence on this earth I just miss her a lot ok.
There's not a day That goes by where I don't think about her or want to see her just one more long day trip with her.I would be in my booster seat just looking at Nuk-Nuk hair blows in the wind and sometimes I would fall asleep in the car because of our long rides around town.I remember when she started letting me go down the street to the store by myself because I was getting older in the household .My Favor thing from the store that she would buy me was scratch off tickets and I use to be Winning off them Too because when I was younger I used to always have dreams at the casino for some weird reason I didn't really get it.
The neighborhood I grew up in wasn't the best but it was definitely better than where I'm at now because this area is trash I felt safer around where I used to live.I remember a couple days before she passed she told me to see would they have any accommodations for her wheelchair because that's what she would be sitting in and I said ok . When I was having fun with my friends on Fri May 18 I had a missed call from her and when I called her back I thought she had picked up the phone but it was her daughter Lisa and when she told me my Nuk-Nuk had died I immediately felt like my heart wasn't beating anymore I just froze.I ran down the hallway screaming ,Crying,Yelling and I started to rip stuff of the walls I was devastated by what I had just heard.She had gone through so much health wise and made it through all of it so I was convinced that she couldn't die almost like she was immortal.I spent the rest of that day crying and playing all of our Favorite songs because these pieces were the highlights of our relationship with each other.
The song Broken Hearted Melody makes me cry the hardest because of how it brings me back to when we where in the car going to get a cheesecake in a far part in Maryland.She was so involved with my up-bringing that sometimes her older daughter jealous because how much she would let me get away with a lot more stuff than when she was young lol but everyone still love me though.I remember when I was going to elementary school I would cry myself out trouble and it would always work.She always told me"i don't care how old you get you will always be my baby " she was a very great parent and I give her the utmost respect for taking on raising a child all over again.
I was very sensitive as a child and I would often even cry if another kid push me until one day I got tired of being bullied and I fought back hard too.Me and Nuk-Nuk had many conversations about stuff very personal to me and she respected my privacy and vice versa because that's how close our bond was.I remember when she moved into her new apartment and I went to go stay with her because my lights were off for a period of months and that was fun.We spent time laughing and talking about when I was a Baby and how much I used to love the telatubbies I had a blanket with them on it and I used to carry that thing everywhere even in the car.
I also had a blue an white stuffed polar bear his name was Douglas He was another favorite toy of mine.My Nuk-Nuk had something physical to remember everything I did down to my first haircut she saved the hair in plastic wrap and put it in a frame for me to look at.I will make sure that my son knows who Nuk-Nuk is because that's who raised me and took care of me. I always used to joke about her being a grandmother to my son and I will often tell her she had to babysit him LOL. She would always say " your child be babysitting me I'm too old to run around with him " she was always a jokester.
Her favorite television shows were always about crime every Thursday night she would watch 48 hours and it felt like that's how long the TV show was on to be honest. I remember as a child when I would get a dollar I will give it to her and tell her it's for the rent LOL but I later found out that she would just save a dollar until I want to go to the store those memories I miss so much. I wish I could call her and tell her about the things that stressed me out and the things that bothered me because I felt like she understood the way I thought about stuff and could help me accordingly. I know this is gonna sound crazy but I enjoy dreaming because sometimes I get to see her in my dreams which to me is amazing because I talk to her in my dreams.Cherish the moments you have with people because love is what this world needs the most."Nuk-Nuk I love you "
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CHAPTER 20
Non-FictionChapter 20 is a book that uses different elements of a spiritual journey to explain My story. This book shows different spiritual transitional periods in my life and shows how much a real human can evolve into something greater As the journey is rev...
