The Void of a Future King (mxm)

13. I'm Fine

It was now Sunday, meaning church day. It was definitely what I'd needed. After seeing Sam again it started up all of my feelings, and I couldn't decipher wether or not they were sinful. Not because he's gay, but because they were so strong and controlled me. I loved the feeling, but it could just be a toxic addiction. I also wanted to get it all off my chest during anonymous confession and be forgiven for cheating. It didn't make it ok but at least I was taking the first steps.

It would probably benefit Sam as well. I didn't know if he went to church with his father before, but he's going today. He's been through a lot. His father didn't accept his sexuality and I could tell the death of Colin was still weighing down on him. I knew that he also felt some guilt of doing what he's done with me. He shouldn't, and I wish he didn't, but it's understandable. Not only am I married and have a child, but I am the next king. If he had been in any part of me not being allegeable to be king he'd feel even worse, even if I'm a grown man and can make my own decisions.

That's a lot to handle at such a young age. He still had so much more maturing to do and figure out how to handle his emotions. That's why he couldn't mourn Colin in a healthy way and, if he doesn't get proper help, won't ever move on from his father's abandonment. On top of all of that, the society that this kingdom has built will expect him to find a princess to marry and start a life with. He either did that and was unhappy with his partner, or he go against that normalized concept. He shouldn't be expected to make such an important decision so fast and quickly.

Aside from church today my father had a surprise at breakfast for Sam, another thing that was out of character for him. From the leniency yesterday, to a surprise today, I couldn't get anymore spooked. To my knowledge, he's never given anyone a surprise; not me, not my mother, not Asher, not even Arabella. Now, all of a sudden, Sam was getting one and he hadn't even known my dad more than a day. They've only had one conversation. Apparently that was enough to make an effort to do something special for him.

I knocked on Sam's door. I didn't want him to walk in to whatever my dad had in store alone, so I decided to walk with him to breakfast. Of course, he didn't mind. When I told him about the whole thing he was thankful I was gonna go with him. He was nervous for what was on the other side of those doors just as much as I was.

Sam finally opened the door. When he did I saw him rushing to button up the white polo I had given him. It was from a while ago so it fit him better than any of my other clothes. I dug around in other clothes that didn't fit anymore and, luckily, found some jeans that would work for him. If not, I threw in a belt and it looked natural on him. His shoes were just the same black slip ons he had when he first got here.

"We need to get you clothes."I told him, making him roll his eyes.

"Are you saying that I don't look undeniably sexy in your clothes?"he asked me, giving me a seductive look. I blushed, knowing that it was somewhat true. I regained myself and just shook my head.

"You look like a school boy that gets all his clothes from his older brother."I explained. He gasped, dramatically, and put a hand on his heart. Such a drama queen.

"I canNOT beLIEVE you just said that. I'm truly offended."he said, making me just laugh at his craziness.

"Whatever, drama queen. We need to get to breakfast now."I told him. He gasped again, his face twisting into disgust. I started to walk away from him and he followed.

"I am no such thing, take that back this second!"he insisted, his voice raising into an even higher pitch. Now he was a whiny child, but I still couldn't help but find him amusing.

"Oh darn. Too late. We're already about to walk in the dining room."I said, not giving off any any hint of a sorry tone. I sighed and raised my shoulders, shrugging.