"In My Head"

Worth

Joey stared at herself in the vanity practicing her reaction to Jerry's proposal. He was taking her to Mirco Pasta for their six month anniversary, the same restaurant they'd gone to on their first date. He likes to see yesterday in today and today in tomorrow and so on and so forth. Jerry was very sentimental that way. When Joey had found the blue box containing the engagement ring (the very ring she'd been eying since December when Christmas shopping for him mother) rolled up in a pair of socks at the back of his sock drawer she'd squealed in pure delight. She has been tempted just to call him up and shout "yes, yes, I'll marry you!". She shouldn't have been snooping in his apartment, but she had just wanted to know more about him. Despite the fact they were quite serious, he rarely let her into his apartment, and she was never allowed to stay over. Finding that ring was but a small beacon of hope for Joey, a beacon she would not lose sight of!

Even though her excited was evident, she wanted her reaction to be perfect, just the right mix of surprise, disbelief, and excitement. She wasn't quite satisfied with the results of her practice this far. She'd been sitting at the vanity for nearly two hours. The first hour was spent curling and pinning her hair into the perfect messy updo and doing her makeup just so. Since she'd completely her look, she'd been practicing her facial expressions. Her butt was numb, and her lower back had started to ache, but she refused to give up.

Blending out her foundation where it'd started to settle into her smile lines she thought perhaps she'd gotten ready a little too early. Glancing at the dainty gold watch adorning her left wrist, a birthday gift from Jerry, she huffed a sigh. After a moment of contemplation, she decided that she would just redo her makeup. Despite her 32 years of age she wanted to look as young and nubile as possible for Jerry.

Pulling a makeup wipe free of it's plastic wrapping she gently wiped the foundation from the left side of her face. She compared her makeupless skin to the almost flawlessness of the carefully crafted look she'd created for her date night. Jerry almost never say Joey without her makeup. She'd even taken to sleeping in a BB crème when he stayed over. It dawned on her that once they were married she shouldn't hide her natural self from him. He should love her for her, flaws and all.

She stared at herself a moment longer frowning at the fine lines around her mouth. The line were the bane of her existence. Her mother would insist they were a sign of her happiness, her good life up until this very moment. For Joey they served as a reminder that she wasn't getting any younger. But how lucky she was to have met a man she loves dearly and who wants to spend the rest of his life with her! Sighing, she moved to remove the rest of her makeup, just ass her cell phone ringing.

She wondered who would be calling her. She'd told everyone she didn't want to be disturbed! Tonight was a big night and the last thing she needed was one of her girlfriends ruining with their own drama or her mother psyching her out. She picked the phone up ready to curse the person on the other end to the high heavens and back.

"What did I tell you..." she began.

"Joey." Jerry interrupted her.

"Oh, hello darling! Are you here already? I'm not quite ready yet." She giggled, trying not to sound as frazzled as she was.

"Joey," he began, "I'm sorry but I don't think this is going to work out anymore. My girlfriend is starting to ask to many questions. I'm planning to propose to her soon. I'm sorry I can't take you out tonight. Maybe once things have cooled down we can pick this back up, but for now, keep your distance. Sorry about this."

For a moment, Joey sat stunned watching her own reaction in her mirror. Her lips pinched and her brown furrowed making her age lines stand out even more.

"What did you just say?"

"I know this seems sudden but..."

Biting out a curse Joey screamed into the phone, "Do you have any idea what I've been through for you? How long I've taken to get ready? The lengths I've gone to so I can look perfect and beautiful and young only for you to tell me you're going to marry someone else?" Her lips curled in disgust and her browns furrowed in anger. "Well, fuck you Jerry."

Hanging up the phone she threw it across the room and let out low moan, a pain filled sound that made her even more disgusted with herself. Snatching up her abandoned makeup wipe she scrubbed the remaining makeup from her face. She snatched the fake lashed from her eyes, squinting against the pain and trying to fight back tears. She ripped the pins form her hair, causing the curls to fall waywardly as they pleased. Taking a deep breath Joey stared at herself in the mirror. Searching her reflection for something to love she heaved a sob and slip haphazardly from her vanity seat to the floor. How could she expect a man to love her when she didn't even love herself?