Head Over Boots (Clexa AU)

Chapter 4: Winter

Clarke pinned Lexa with tired, bloodshot eyes. "What did you just say?" she asked, voice low and somehow dangerous.

The knot that had taken up residence in Lexa's stomach twisted in on itself. She rose to her feet and forced herself to stand up straight under Clarke's scrutiny, even as a trickle of sweat ran down her back despite the cold in the cabin. She hadn't meant for this to happen, hadn't mean for her ranch to fall apart and her heart to fall for Clarke.

"I'm sorry, Clarke," she offered, knowing that the apology sounded hollow even in her own ears. "But there's no other way."

"Like hell you're sorry," Clarke said with fire, fury seeming to overcome her fatigue. She approached Lexa suddenly, her hands balling into fists. "How dare you. After everything I've done for this ranch. After everything we've--" Clarke cut herself off, betrayal stinging in her eyes.

But Lexa could complete the thought on her own. After everything we've become to each other. After all the challenges we've faced together and overcome. After we had, slowly, over the days and weeks and months, fallen in love...

Lexa swallowed past the lump in her throat, feeling that familiar panic rising up again. She couldn't stand seeing Clarke this way, but she didn't have any other choice. She willed her voice to be steady as she stared back at Clarke as calmly as she could. "I can't afford to pay you, Clarke. And if I can't pay you, then I don't see any alternative to terminating your contract, which included a clause about financial hardship."

Blinking back tears, Clarke let loose a bitter laugh. "I can't believe you're discussing the legalities of firing me right now." Clarke stood there, visibly shaking. Her voice quivered with anger and hurt, as as her glare shot into Lexa. "But most of all," she said, a finality to her words, "I can't believe I had feelings for you."

Lexa couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. She could only watch helplessly as Clarke stormed past her. She heard the jingle of keys and the opening and slamming of the door behind her, the starting of the truck and the crackle of gravel, as if it were all happening in some other world. She sunk down onto her heels and was completely unprepared for the sob that engulfed her.

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The entire day passed, and Clarke still hadn't returned. That night, Lexa lay in bed and stared at the ceiling like she suspected she would do all night, when she finally heard the truck pulling into the gravel driveway. She heard uncertain, stumbling steps, slow at first, then rushing, and a long series of retches in the bathroom.

Lexa flung her covers away from herself and ran to the closed bathroom door. She knocked,  guilt washing over her. "Clarke?"

"Fuck you, Lexa!" Clarke fell over her words, drunk. "Don't pretend like you care about me now."

Lexa rested her head against the door, knowing that she had caused all of this. If Clarke had gotten drunk in Polis because of what she had done to her... it was a miracle that she had managed to drive all the way back to the ranch without crashing. "Do you need anything? Some water?" she murmured just loudly enough for Clarke to hear on the other side of the door.

"What part of 'fuck you' don't you understand?" Clarke growled at her, even as Lexa heard her vomit again.

Lexa sighed, knowing there was nothing she could do right then. She went to the kitchen, placed a glass of water on the table for Clarke, and returned to her room. Eventually, she heard Clarke stumble to her own room, then silence, as she imagined Clarke passed out in seconds.

Letting out a shaky breath, Lexa hugged her knees to herself. She wondered how she was going to survive this.

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