The Night Changes

part one (3) - k h a d i

"Ray this is a problem," mama had whispered one night, "what if she gets influenced by her? Our little girl doesn't know what she wants in life. She shouldn't be taught that—those, things in school. She's in 1st grade Ray, aye Dios mío Ray, 1st fucking grade. Y—y this pendeja is teaching her it's okay to wed the same gender. A pendejada like that can ruin her."

"Uzochi..." papa had sighed.

"No. Absolutely not. Not my little girl." My mothers voice was confident in whatever she was planning to do.

I had woken up from my slumber because I needed to use the bathroom. On the way back to my room I had overheard my mother and father talking. All because of the news I told her, mama had taken things to far. I skipped on back to my room, not wanting to hear her bad mouthing Miss. Casper and her beliefs.
I laid awake that night clutching onto my teddy bear at the time, through hard times and thunderstorms my teddy bear was always there right beside me. He helped me go to sleep. It was just difficult that night, I felt bad for putting Miss. Casper's business out there.

In the morning at breakfast my mama had surprised me.

"Khadi, you are to stay home today." She said pouring my papas coffee in his mug.

"Qué? Pro qué?" I asked with a mouth full of food.

"Porqué, I said so." She smiled her mouth setting into a hard line. "And Cameron you are to watch her."

"What?" Camery jumped up in confusion, "Mom, I literally can't. I have a huge project to present today. This is 15% of my grade we're talking about." Camery was fuming with anger.

"I'll email the school and tell them you have to take off today because you caught the stomach flu or whatever." My mother deadpanned.

"Mom!"

"I'm still going to school right?" Jamie asked.

"Yes." Mama answered.

"Good, I gotta get going anyways. I'm picking up Ali today. C'ya later." Jamie rushed out of the house grabbing his keys and three cuties the way out.

"Mom!" Camery shouted.

"Don't 'mom' me young lady." While all of this was happening papa sat quietly at the end of the table drinking his coffee and scrolling through his phone.

"Dad!?" Camery now aimed at papa.

"Princess, do as your mother says." He got up from his seat, "I have to get going." He kissed my mom, Camery and I on his way out. "I love you guys, stay safe don't do anything crazy." He then left.

"Mom, are you crazy?" Camery shouted storming out the kitchen and up the stairs.

"No leaving the house, order food if you want I'll leave money under the key bowl!" My mama voiced happily.

It was just me and mama in the kitchen. I had lost my appetite. "Mama..."

"You start a new school next week." She collected my dishes, threw out the leftover food and dumped the dishes into the sink.

"Pro qué?" I asked. I wanted to say more but how could I? I didn't know the right words to say. "Rosario y Patience, mi amigos? Mi maestra? Mamá?"

"Honey, it's for the best. Mother knows best. Now go on and play, I have to go to work." She kissed the top of my head, her kisses were usually warm and kept me at bay, but I started to lose control and cry. "Aye, mami, it's for your own good. Cameron, come take care of Khadi!" She left the room shouting an 'I love you' before exiting the house.

I was still at the dinner table crying my eyes out. It wasn't until later Camery decided to care for me.

She took me in her arms while I cried on her shoulders. They were the only secure thing I had around me that day.

"It's going to be okay, you know, ever since... well mommy is a thick head." She kissed my head and took me to her room, she sang me to sleep with the weirdest lullaby I heard; I mean, it did get me to calm down and sleep.

" go to sleep little baby
  go to sleep little baby
  your mommas gone away and your daddy's gonna stay
didn't leave nobody but the baby . . ."

I never got to hear her finish the lullaby. That was the first and last time Cameron sang me the twisted song.

     It was the night I turned ten. The big one-o. I had just begun my period and life was falling apart. Not only with me but each individual in mi familia. No era bueno.

"Oh, c'mon, mi amor, lighten up. Today's a special day." My mother tried to encourage me. I was in bed sulking. The pain in my abdomen was no joke. No Tylenol or ibuprofen could save me.
Momma was by my side a cupcake in hand. She had bruises around her wrist, she acted as if I didn't notice, she acted as if no one in our family noticed. When one of us were to ask where'd they come from she'd act as if she didn't hear us. There was a point where no one bothered to ask anymore or checked up on here. It costed us in the future.

"Feliz cumpleaños mi princesa, te amo de la luna and back." Mama had given me a gentle kiss on my forehead. I can't lie, I started to tear up. Even through the obvious previous bad days my mama didn't stop thinking  about and loving me.

"Thank you." I had wrapped my arms around her, they brought warmth to me again.

"Ray, I swear to my dead ancestors!" It was the middle of the night on my tenth birthday. Mama and papa were fighting. I was in Camery's room curled up on her bed my hands covering my ears. "It doesn't involve you!"

"It doesn't involve me? It doesn't involve me? Uzochi, are you fucking kidding me! En serio!? En serio!? You're my fucking wife Uzochi, my wife! I take care of you and the family!"

"I can take care of myself!" My mama wailed.
My parents were in their room causing a ruckus, the neighbours definitely heard because in the morning they asked Camery if everything was alright. Jamie was no where to be found during the nights, my parents didn't seem to notice or they didn't care. In the morning he magically was in his room, he never missed breakfast and he was always on time for school. Whatever he was doing during the nights, he knew how to do it. Like he's done it before in the past.

"No hay secretos pro favor, Uzochi, tell me, what's going on? Why do you come back from work with bruises? Why do you cry silently on Sundays at night? Why are you betraying our vows?" My poor father was hurt to the core.

I could hear my mothers silent cries, it made me want to cry also. But I couldn't. No with Camery around. She didn't like when I cried, she told me, 'you're to old to cry these days. There's no need for them anymore.'

"Ray please—please~" she sobbed, "you have to trust me. It's part of our vows isn't it? You have to trust me."

Papa was silent. Camery was holding me tight. Jamie was being Jamie, and I heard wind chimes in the background.