Giving Up or Giving In

Moving On

Noticing the little things was one of Fenneko's biggest strengths. She was an analyzer, and not even the smallest details escaped her. She prided herself in this.

So, of course, she noticed when Haida started acting weird. She made a mental note of each of the details she saw: he was quiet, only talking when he had to; his expression was little more than empty; and, the big one, he had been going out of his way to avoid Retsuko. That last one set off red flags. Haida would usually give any excuse to be around her: going to the break room with her, grabbing her some tea now and then, chatting with her before and after work, and so forth.

If he was trying to stay out of her way, then something was definitely wrong.

After her devastating breakup with Tadano, Retsuko had been rather quiet as well. It made sense for Haida to keep out of her way, Fenneko supposed, especially after getting turned down after Resasuke. But if it was out of respect, he was going way too far with it.

Fenneko wondered when to approach him about it. Things would only get worse if he didn't vent to somebody; Fenneko knew this from experience. She flashed back to the pneumonia incident and determined she had better talk to him sooner rather than later.

Saving the spreadsheet she was working on, Fenneko got up to go on a quick break. In his destitute state, it was difficult to catch Haida's attention. When he finally noticed her, Fenneko gestured that he come with her.

Fenneko shook her head as she grabbed a canned iced tea from the vending machine. Somehow she kept ending up as Haida's wingman. She just knew that he'd be totally helpless without her.

Fenneko sat down at the usual table and glanced up from her phone to see Haida standing at his usual spot by the window. He was silent, and the face Fenneko saw reflected in the window made her stomach sink. He looked worn out and dejected, which seemed worse than the recent apathy.

"Hey, big guy." Fenneko popped open her tea. "Can't help but notice you seem a little off lately. Getting enough sleep?"

Haida didn't respond, which made Fenneko hesitate. "Do you need to talk about anything?" she said cautiously. "I'd rather you not end up in another puddle in Roppongi today."

Haida muttered something so low that even Fenneko's sensitive ears didn't catch it. "Sorry?" she said, turning towards him and leaning closer.

"I feel like giving up."

It was hardly audible, but this time she got it. Instantly, in her usual fashion, she jumped right to the worst-case scenario.

"Holy shit, Haida, you aren't thinking of offing yourself, are you?!"

That seemed to jolt Haida out of his funk. He whirled, a bewildered look on his face. "Wha—of course not! I didn't mean 'giving up' in that way! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Fenneko took a shaky breath. "God, don't scare me like that."

"You're the one who brought it up in the first place!"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't say something like that when you look so depressed!"

There was a beat.

Then Haida snickered. "Do I really look all that depressed?"

The tension in the air eased up and Fenneko felt a wave of relief. Of course, I didn't actually think he'd kill himself, she told herself. It was just a ploy to get him to react. Whether that was true or not, Haida was looking a little more like himself now.

Fenneko took a sip of her too-sweet ice tea. "Well, what did you mean then?"

Haida looked away.

"Oh come on," Fenneko whined. "Don't do this again!"

"Sorry." Haida took a seat by Fenneko and propped his chin in his hand, staring straight ahead.

"I feel like giving up on liking Retsuko."

Fenneko spat out her tea.

"What?!"

"Heh, yeah..." He closed his eyes.

Fenneko struggled to find the right words. This was not what she had anticipated him to say at all.

"But, I mean—you can't just...you've liked her for years now!" she finally said. "You can't just throw your feelings to the curb, just like that!"

"No, I guess what I said earlier isn't really true," Haida frowned. "I know that I can't stop liking her, cold turkey. But..." he trailed off, gazing out the window. "...I can't keep doing this to myself. She's made it clear that she isn't interested, and I think it's high time that I accept that and stop pursuing her. She's got her own life to lead, and I guess that it doesn't include me as anything more than a friend." His voice broke at the end, and Fenneko felt her own throat growing tighter.

"Well, bud," she said after a moment. "I'm here for you if you want to talk about it."

Haida gave her a weak but grateful smile. "Thanks." He stared thoughtfully out the window. "I mean, if you have any advice, that would be appreciated, I guess."

"Alright. Then stop outright avoiding her like you have been," she said bluntly, idly gazing back at her phone.

"Whaaaat?" Haida nervously responded. "I haven't been avoiding her..."

Fenneko laughed in her signature monotone way. "You suck at lying. You've totally been avoiding her, ever since she broke up with Tadano. And if I were in her shoes, I would feel like shit if you straight-up abandoned me as a friend."

Haida scratched his ear as he thought. "I guess you're right. It's just...well, it won't be easy for me to hang out with her as much anymore. I think being around her a lot will make it harder to move on."

"I never said you had to be with her constantly." Fenneko took another swig of her drink, feeling a twinge of regret for wasting money on it. "I think some distance would be good. You know, meet some new people, date some other girls..." Fenneko smirked as she saw Haida's sour reaction to that suggestion out of the corner of her eye. "Just try to still be her friend, and don't go out of your way to stay out of hers."

Haida went quiet as Fenneko continued to skim Instagram. Damn Tsunoda posted a thigh pic three days early, again. Who was she trying to impress? Fenneko scrolled furiously through Tsunoda's feed, getting more heated as she watched the new photo of the cute thighs skyrocket with likes—

"You're a good friend, Fenneko."

The comment shook Fenneko from her obsessive scrolling, and she looked up at Haida's sincere expression. She was surprised and a little touched by that but she didn't let it show.

"I know." Fenneko stood up and dropped her mostly full iced tea in the trash. "But let's get back to work before Ton bites our heads off."