only one who knows

The Woods

"I don't want to argue." I said, in the coolest way I could.

"We're not arguing, this is just a normal conversation." He replied while his voice was, ironically, in the bounds of a scream. "I just wish you could trust me."

"I trust you! I never said otherwise." I stepped forward and eyed him. "You're doing all of this drama over a goddamn detail."

"Well, then how can you say you trust me if you can't even tell me one thing I want to know?"

"It's complicated, okay?! This is just as difficult to me as it is to you!"

"I wish I could trust you! Because you choose to be a couple and that's what couples do!"

"I wish I wasn't the only one to take initiative of everything when you're just fucking closed up in your world! I am the one to kiss you, I am the one who talks softly when everything is falling apart and when the only thing I want to do is cry." I said, close to my tears, yelling at the top of my voice "Because that's what couples do! They support each other!"

He paused. I could hear his paused, but fast breathing and it sounded like sobs. Even though he was looking at his feet by this time, I saw a tear that had formed in his eyes falling on the floor.

"Rog..."

"I didn't want to hurt you. I told you this was gonna happen." he sobbed.

He sat in the kitchen chair, with his elbows on his knees, still looking down, while we were both sobbing.

"I warned you about it. Why do you keep trying? Why do you want to be with me anyway if we can't even be a regular couple?" he asked with horrible pauses between each sentence which felt more like a knife that was slowly being stuck in my heart.

"Why do you still keep fighting for this? Why are you still here? You're young, you can find someone else easily."

"Because I have problems too and I'm just as fucked up as you are" I started, letting my tears fall. "Because I fucking love you, okay? And because I want to teach you what love really is. I want to show you how it feels to be loved. I want you to stop thinking with your head and start using your heart. Because you have issues and I want to help you."

I took some steps closer to him and he looked at me with wet red sunken eyes, full of pain and sorrow. His face was also red and wet of all the tears shed. He let his head fall on my stomach and said nothing for a while.

"You're wasting you time." he said, with a deep sigh and trembling body.

"Time spent with you is always a gain." I replied, shedding some tears.

I gently held his face in my hands, bringing is chin up and letting our eyes make contact. I kneeled in from of him and he hugged me, soaking my clothes in tears as I kissed his face.

Why do we always cry this way?

"I love you so much. Please don't fade away like photographs do."

--/-/--

We decided to take a walk. It's not a thing that it is very common to do at such late hour, but we found that both of us had a special thing for the nigh time. And the best thing was that no one was outside and no one could see us. We were only and specially to each other.
We were walking down the street, hand in hand, and there, I really felt like we were a real couple. We decided to go to a place with low light pollution, so we could observe the night sky. We ended up heading to the woods and it was marvelous. I started to climb a tree and later Roger was climbing it too behind me. It was big enough for both of us and we sat in the higher branches, watching the nightsky above our heads. Even on the top of that tree, the stars looked so far. What we were seeing was simply a tiny bit of percentage of the light that could reach us in God knows how many light-years across the universe. All of those stars were billions of 'suns' of other planetarium systems, probably even brighter and bigger than our Sun. Thinking of that made me feel small, but not in a bad way. It made me found things smaller and simpler down on Earth. Our problems, our routines, our lives, looked so smaller compared to the immensity of space out there.

"We are not that big. And it scares me. Thinking that we're floating somewhere, all alone, in this enormous universe." Roger said.

"That's good."

I felt him looking at me.

"Why?"

"Because life is so much simpler than we think. That's why we can find value in people, in flowers, in star gazing, in the little things. Because we are too small to have the universe in our hands and it's good when you can at least own a part of something that belongs to it." I calmly said, not facing away from the sky. "And it's even better to know that no one can't take those things away, because, in the end, we all belong to the same universe."

"Yeah... It's good to know that we are part of something so big." he sighed. "But thinking of smaller things, I am happy to know that we live in the same planet and breath the same air. It would be terrible if you lived in any other planet far away form here."

I giggled.

"It wouldn't be a problem because you wouldn't know about my existence. You can't feel bad for something you can't imagine."

"That's why stupid or crazy people are the happiest. They're oblivious to everything." he completed.

"I bet you never imagined having this conversation on the top of a tree at 2:00 in the morning with a 16 years old girl somewhere in the woods, gazing at the night sky." I laughed.

"God, I almost forgot you were 16. You're right, I never imagined this." he agreed, making me giggle.

We talked a bit more and climbed down the tree when our butts started to hurt and become flat.

"We should do this more times." he said, wipping of the back of his jeans with his hands.

"Can it be at 5:00, next time? I would love to see the sunrise from here!" I revealed, all excited.

"I can't see you waking up at that time." he smirked.

"Perhaps you can have a surprise!" I winked and he waved me off, laughing at the idea of me waking up at 05:00am to go to the woods.

"Well, you can do that, but I am not coming with you." he said, starting to walk away.

"Why?" I asked, catching him up. "You're not fun!"

"I'm not fun? If you call 'fun' waking up in the early hours of the morning and be bite by mosquitoes in the woods, then I'm not into that kind of fun at all." he said. But in the end he would come one day in the morning with me to see the sunrise.

"Dumbass!" I jerked, starting to run into the woods and racing him.

He tried to catch me up but it was dark, so I could take a bit of advantage. I was really feeling like playing and spending the energy I stored for the day.

"You can't catch me!"

"Betcha!" he was almost catching me when I came across an open field that was being watered. I started to run between the water sprinklers and Roger followed me.

"I'm getting me damn boots wet and dirty."

"I don't care! You won't catch me!" I yelled, running the faster I could until I crossed the entire field.

He caught me up and we both lied on the now dry grass, feeling it tickle us beneath the clothes.

We lied there for sometime, panting for air, until when we were tired enough and decided to go home.

That night we undressed our clothes and we fell asleep in the arms of each other like two tired babies the moment we pulled up the covers.