Save Rock and Roll {ON HOLD}

Chapter 8- Save Rock And Roll

~Gwendoline~

And think about it I did.

I thought about it all damn day, and I was so distracted thinking about it that even Logan noticed something was weighing on my mind. She hasn't asked what it is, but that doesn't mean she won't. All I can think about is the news I got from the guys, the news about the cult and their escalating attacks on music. I think about how Josh Dun was injured by their hands, and who they would go after next. And finally, I think about the request that was made of me. The request to join the fight against the unholy alliance of the cult and Better Living Industries.

As I lay in my bed that night, staring up at the starry ceiling like normal, I think about if I can let us get involved. But how can I? How can I let us get involved, knowing that it could lead to one or both of our deaths? I simply can't. I just can't let us get involved, because I have to keep Logan safe. And she would definitely not be safe if one or both of us got involved. We'd be getting involved in a war, and war means death, and death is the opposite of being safe.

But yet, every time I remind myself that we can't, a reason pops in my head as to why we should. It's true that I have information that would prove very useful to the fight. I have knowledge about Better Living Industries and how it works, what it's like on the inside of the organization. I know secrets about them, about the secret weapons they have, the secret weapons they have yet to unleash onto the world. I also possess knowledge of the Zones, and what's outside of them: the rest of what used to be California, but is now just desert wasteland, too desolate to even be a Zone. There are people in the Zones that would be helpful, people I know and have contact with. And finally, there are the things that make the Savidge cousins famous: our powers.

So, with all of this in mind, it would seem that the decision would be easy, right? But, the same thought keeps popping into my head that makes the decision hard: Logan. For so long, I've kept us safe by keeping us hidden and keeping us away from the fight. Could I just throw that all away and dive headfirst into battle? But then another thought comes to mind: what if we don't get involved, and the enemy wins? What would become of the world Logan and I live in then? Would it even be possible to keep us safe in such a world? And that thought right there makes me wonder.

Sure, by not getting involved, I can keep us safe. But for how long? Would risking our safety in the present ensure our safety in the future?

And, for a second, I've almost made the decision. For a second, I almost think that yes, yes we have to get involved. Or, at least, I do, if not as a fighter, then as an informant. But, just as I think I might have the decision made, I focus back on the stars on my ceiling, and in a flash, I'm transported to another night, so long ago. I try and squash down the memory, but I can't. As the scene unfolds in my mind's eye and the screams ring inside my ears, tears form in my eyes, and I realize quickly that we can't. I know what happens when you fight. And I can't let that happen to us.

I wipe the tears from my eyes as the memory fades and my decision is made, sending a quick prayer that the guys will forgive me, and that if things go to shit in the outside world, I can forgive myself. But still, my decision is made. I've seen too much death and destruction. I don't think I could stand to see any more, and I'll be damned if I let Logan's mind become as tortured by it as mine. Even with my decision in mind, sleep doesn't come easy for me. It's never come easy for me. Sleep, to me, is an evil thing that, if I could completely go without, I would. But, unfortunately for me, the human body needs sleep to continue living and to not go completely insane. So, unfortunately, I must get at least some sleep every night.

But, believe me, I don't like it. When I'm awake, I can at least attempt to tame the flashbacks, I can at least attempt to squash the memories. But in sleep, there is nothing protecting me from them. In sleep, there is nothing to keep my subconscious from playing back the memories like a videotape, nothing to keep it from playing the screams like a vinyl record. There is no wall, there is no guard, there is nothing to keep my mind from reminding me of the things I've seen, the things I've lost, from the things I can't and won't let Logan know about.