VAST (IV): Peter Pan OUAT

Harry and Alex

Chapter 6

I feel a prick in the side of my arm. I turn, leaning over the branch to look down at the ground.

Harry beams up at me. Dropping the pebbles, he has gathered in his arms, he waves. "Thought you'd be asleep forever." He turns around, leaning over his shoulder. Leaning back, he hollers. "Caw, caw!"

I stifle a laugh, pulling myself into a sitting position. My brain feels groggy, especially in the early morning sun, but I miss being woken up in a tree. "You could just text him, you know."

"Please," Harry looks back at me, "where would the fun in that be?"

I hear Alex jogging up through the underbrush. I jump down out of the tree, down to Harry's height. At least, sort of his height, since the guy is pretty short. Alex breaks through the trees. He says nothing, only offering me a nod.

"Jared sent you, plunters?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. There is a smile between my cheeks though. I haven't heard Neverland slang in eons.

Alex rolls his eyes, looking back over at Harry. He doesn't offer anything in response; no clever retorts to assert his dominance. Too much has changed, I guess.

Harry digs his heel in the ground, biting his lip. "We heard..." he hesitates, looking to Alex for support "that Peter is talking to you in your dreams. Are you okay?"

Harry grabs my arm for support. I lean in closer to him, my long brown hair hanging in my face. In times of struggle, I can always rely on Harry to be stronger than I am. Even more, he will always put his own thoughts and feelings aside to protect me.

"I'm still alive, aren't I?" I sigh, looking up at Alex.

He is stiff but tries to force a small smile on his face. Reaching over, I shove him playfully. Harry's joy is contagious, infecting all of us. Sometimes, I'm jealous of Alex. Not that I would ever date Harry, but I'm jealous that he gets a partner as good as him. No one else has been as lucky with love, and I doubt I will ever be as happy as them.

"Sorry, but being alive is a crock of shit," Alex rolls his eyes.

I nod, though Harry sends Alex a glare. In response, Alex just shrugs. If there is one thing I don't need, it's to be coddled. No matter if I like it or not, saying I'm alive is just an excuse not to talk about my pain.

"He's come to me with messages," I tell them, letting out the rigidity of my chest. Slowly, I deconstructed the wall I built, brick by brick, around my own heart after Peter Pan (literally) ripped it from my chest. "He's sorry for all that he did, he wishes we had more time together, he forgives me-"

"That's rich," Alex turns his nose up.

"Al," Harry grips me tighter but reaches for his lover.

Alex shakes his head back and forth, trying to figure out what to say or do. "He doesn't get forgiveness, not from me. He got forty boys killed and made us killers too."

Harry lets go of me, moving to Alex. The dark-skinned boy wraps his hands around Alex's growingly pale face. Harry is the comfort of the night. In Neverland, I grew to love the absence of the sun. It made every day seem less harsh. Alex's grief is a harsh and bright beam which exposes all of our weaknesses. The boys fit like two gloves.

"You can't carry this anymore, Al," Harry shakes his head. "If you can forgive Jared for Gregory, and I can forgive Johnny for killing my own brother, why can't you forgive yourself?"

Alex bites his tongue. Though Harry can pretend it's easy, all of this is more complicated. Everything is far too harsh.

"I'm not asking anyone to forgive Peter for the wretched things he has done," I admit, looking between the two of them. "Everyone has been putting pressure on me to live strong enough for all of us, but I need time to grieve. I just feel like a zombie, you know? Like I died on that island and that my corpse has been walking around for a year."